Really Bad Almost Unheard of 1950's Doo-Wop Lyrics

[Trusty]

From the teen angel motorcycle deaths to the east side story musical gangs (not excluding the ever-popular 1980's "Cop Rock" TV show), what is the worst most-obscure oldie doo-wop song lyrics that you ever tried to forget? (Hey, I don't care if you make them up.)
(Warning: When you remember them, they will try to "haunt" you, so quickly sing a Christmas Carol.)

I'll go first (DUH). From Mad Magazine's collection (I can't remember the first verse.) by The Ravens:

Nose Job

She never had some one to call her own.
Her future looked mighty bleak.
But now, she's on every guy's list
Since they overhauled her beak.

She got a nose job. She got a nose job.
It's now turned up instead of hang-ing down.
She got a nose job. She got a nose job.
And now she's the prettiest girl in town.

(Now if I can find that old album I have of Wolfman Jack - singing!)

[doctork]

I remember Wolfman Jack, and I thought I was pretty good at Golden Oldies, but I don't remember this one.

3WS oldies station in Pittsburgh used to have The Sunday Night Cellar, when they would play the really old "moldie oldies." But I can only recognize them, not quote the verses by memory. :-(

[Trusty]

I think "obscure" was a qualifier. How about this (actually released):

I Want My Baby Back (Jimmy Cross – early ‘60s)

[Sung]
I want my baby back.
Gotta have my baby back.
I miss her oh so much.
Can’t live without her touch.

[Spoken over Music] I don’t hardly know where to begin. I remember we were cruising home from the Beatles concert. I’d had such a wonderful evening, sitting there watching my baby screaming, and tearing her hair out, and carrying on. She was so full of life. Then, well, we were about three miles from home when all of a sudden it started to rain. And I do mean rain. I couldn’t hardly see nothing. Well, we kept driving for about another mile when all of a sudden I see this stalled car right smack in front of me. Well, I wasn’t about to slam on the brakes ‘cause I didn’t have none to start with. So I swerved to the left. And what do I see – some mush head on a motorcycle headin’ right at us. And I knew at last me and my baby were about to meet the leader of the… [Crash Sounds] …pack.

Well, when I come to, I looked around, and there was the leader … and there was the pack … and over there was my baby … and over there was my baby … and way over THERE was my baby.

[Sung]
I want my baby back.
Gotta have my baby back.
I miss her oh so much.
Can’t live without her touch.

[Spoken over Music] It’s been many months now since that fateful night. And you know something? I’ve tried. Believe me, I have tried. But I just can’t make it without my baby. [Digging Sounds] So I’ve decided I’m going to have her back one way or another. Oh, baby, I dig you so much!

[Clunk! Clunk!] Hot dang! Pay dirt!

[Creaking Sounds (Coffin opens & slams shut.) – Muffled Singing]
I’ve got my baby back.
Now, I’ve got my baby back.
I love her oh so much.
Couldn’t live without her touch.
I’ve got my baby back. I’ve got my baby back. [Fade out]

[booklady]

We want our Trusty back.

[Trusty]

booklady said:

We want our Trusty back.

Thanks, but I don't know if that will be possible on this thread.

CORRECTION CORRECTION CORRECTION

I found the album. Yes I did. And it's NOT the Ravens that sang it; it was The Dellwoods! Yes, The Dellwoods. For all of you that were upset about my error, please accept my most humble apologies.

AND

I can NOW correct a few lines in the song! Yes, I can. (I did the first post by memory - and what a memory it was!) See next post for the UPDATED and CORRECT version of "Nose Job". (Can't hardly wait, can you?)

[Trusty]

She got a nose job. She got a nose job.
It's now turned up instead of hang-ing down.
She got a nose job. She got a nose job.
And now she's the prettiest gal in town.

She never had a boy to walk her home.
She never had a boy who cared.
But now she’s never left alone
Since she had her snozz repaired.

She got a nose job. She got a nose job.
It's now turned up instead of hang-ing down.
She got a nose job. She got a nose job.
And now she's the prettiest gal in town.

She never had no one to taste her kiss.
Her future looked mighty bleak.
But now, she's on every guy's list
Since she overhauled her beak.

She got a nose job. She got a nose job.
It's now turned up instead of hang-ing down.
She got a nose job. She got a nose job.
And now she's the prettiest gal in town.

(Music)

Well, I know someday I’m gonna marry her.
Because I love her. Yes, I do.
And the kids we have will know for sure
They’re gonna all get nose jobs, too.

She got a nose job. She got a nose job.
It's now turned up instead of hang-ing down.
She got a nose job. She got a nose job.
And now she's the prettiest gal in town.

[hartlikeawheel]

Obscure, and not only obscure, but some of the naughtiest lyrics I can imagine getting away with in those days. The Souse - or sometimes I call him The Spouse - and I were just talking about that the other day but since I no longer have a brain I'll have to ask him to remind me whose lyrics we were talking about.

Mr. Duckwalk comes to mind.

Isn't it weird sometimes how we all seem to be on the same wavelength?

There were a lot of those fifties and sixties bands which got away with murder. We were trying to list them and snickering in not a very nice way.

Maybe through our noses?

Well. We're old and bored and hardly know what to do with ourselves anymore except laugh at all the fun we could have had if we had had any sense of what was really happening, "Mr. Jones." But we were sorta dumb farm kids and you woulda hadda pull our tails before we thought there was anything we were s'pose to pay attention to.

Bet if we called on Mike, who should be showing up pretty soon, he could help out.

Good thing we didn't know enough to get into trouble. Winkin' Trusty.

And don't even bring up "Louie Louie" because that was a red herring. We just thought we were laughing at something naughty because that's how our little teen-aged brains were
built.

Saw those guys somewhere and they never sang anything but "mumble, mumble." I liked it though. Had a good beat and you could dance to it.

Thinking of GK. We had a yardful of neighborhood kids on a Saturday night when we wanted to be left alone on the deck to listen to how he was going to make fun of our peeps (Sorry joe) and we couldn't get rid of them.

So we told them we were listening to "dirty radio" and that their parents probably wouldn't want them hanging around. That took care of that until we had to deal with the 'rents the next day asking where they could find "dirty radio."

[Trusty]

hartlikeawheel said:

Obscure, and not only obscure, but some of the naughtiest lyrics I can imagine getting away with in those days.

Remember Little Richard's "Good Golly Miss Molly"? Was that song written dirty, or did it become dirty when certain words took on new meanings?


Anyway, here's another "Obscure Oldie":

Somebody Else’s Dandruff

Oh, my poor heart is breakin’.
Oh, my poor heart is hurt.
‘Cause today I saw somebody else’s dandruff
On my lover baby’s shirt.

Oh, my poor dreams are tumblin’.
Watchin’ him walk around.
Just as plain as day with somebody else’s dandruff
Where my dandruff has always been found.

Oh, it means that his kisses
Will start growing colder.
Because he found a new flaky head
He’d rather have on his shoulder.

Now, my poor eyes are cryin’.
I know one day he’ll find
Love won’t seem as bright with somebody else’s dandruff,
And he’ll come beggin’ back for mine.

(Change Pitch)

Now, my poor eyes are cryin’.
I know one day he’ll find
Love won’t seem as bright with somebody else’s dandruff,
(Slower)
And he’ll come beggin’ back for mine.

[booklady]

LOL Trusty! Really.

[joew]

hartlikeawheel said:

…

Thinking of GK. We had a yardful of neighborhood kids on a Saturday night when we wanted to be left alone on the deck to listen to how he was going to make fun of our peeps (Sorry joe) and we couldn't get rid of them.

So we told them we were listening to "dirty radio" and that their parents probably wouldn't want them hanging around. That took care of that until we had to deal with the 'rents the next day asking where they could find "dirty radio."

Great opportunity to introduce more listeners to APHC!

[Trusty]

booklady said:

LOL Trusty! Really.

So, you like the sad ballads, eh? Well, here's one of our all-time favorites:

The Boys’ Bathroom Wall

I’m just gonna quit seein’ her.
I ain’t even gonna call.
‘Cause today I found her telephone number
Written on the boys’ bathroom wall.

I won’t even say “Hello”.
When I pass her in the hall.
What’s a guy gotta do when he finds his girl’s number
Written on the boys’ bathroom wall.

Oh how I felt;
My heart turned cold
When I saw those cruel words starin’ at me:
“If anyone needs a girl to hold,
Call WAlnut 6-523.”

I’m tearin’ her picture in half.
We’re finished; we’re through; that’s all.
And I’m never gonna dial that telephone number
Written on the boys’ bathroom wall.

(Music)

Oh how I felt;
My heart turned cold
When I saw those cruel words starin’ at me:
“If anyone needs a girl to hold,
Call WAlnut 6-523.”

I’m tearin’ her picture in half.
We’re finished; we’re through; that’s all.
And I’m never gonna dial that telephone number
Written on the boys’ bathroom wall.
Written on the boys’ bathroom wall.
Written on the boys’ bathroom wall. (Fade Out)

[Trusty]

Awright,I know some are not posting here because they just don't BELIEVE these songs exist. Shame on you - and to prove it, copy the website below and paste it in your address line to download a Quicktime file of the song.

www.mooload.com/new/file.php?file=files/241206/1166929667/Nose+Job.mp3

Nooo.... I said copy & paste it. (For some reason it doesn't want to link.)

[Trusty]

Can't wait for the next one, huh? Check out the song about dandruff (a real tear-jerker). (This one WILL link.)

www.mooload.com/new/file.php?file=files/241206/1166932637/Dandruff.mp3

[Trusty]

And to catch up with the lyrics, we must not forget "Boy's Bathroom Wall". (I think you will have to cut 'n paste again - something about the + sign that doesn't transfer into a link).

www.mooload.com/new/file.php?file=files/241206/1166933061/Bathroom+Wall.mp3



Oh, yes, there's more!!! But they will have to wait until I can get back to the computer where the lyrics are.

Now, which song is the one that you can't get out of your head?

[Trusty]

Remember the horror flicks of the '50s? Well, there ain't nuthin' as scary as this song:

www.mooload.com/new/file.php?file=files/251206/1167015790/Blind+Date.mp3

Blind Date

(Music & Scream)
(Music & Scream)

My buddy fixed me up with blind date
Just last Saturday.
And, was I embarrassed when she opened the door;
This is all I could say:
(SCREAM)

Blind date. Blind date.
I’ll never go on one again, you can bet.
Blind date. Blind date.
I’d rather play Russian roulette.

I was sure that a dark movie theatre
Was the safest place to hide.
But when she asked the usher to find us seats,
He looked at her and replied:
(SCREAM)

Blind date. Blind date.
I’ll never go on one again, you can bet.
Blind date. Blind date.
I’d rather play Russian roulette.

After the movie, I took her for a snack,
And, boy was my face red.
‘Cause when she asked the waiter if he made malts,
He looked at her and said:
(SCREAM)

Blind date. Blind date.
I’ll never go on one again, you can bet.
Blind date. Blind date.
I’d rather play Russian roulette.

Saying “Good Night”, I knew I’d never meet
Any gal uglier.
‘Cause even her folks, when they let her in the house,
This is how they greeted her:
(SCREAM)

Blind date. Blind date.

[booklady]

OK, it's not doo-wop, but I can't leave you in here talking to yourself.

Many many years ago when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandmother, too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!

[joew]

Surely a doo-wop arrangement is possible.

[Trusty]

joew said:

Surely a doo-wop arrangement is possible.

We'll get our garage band together!

[Tillie]

O Lutefisk, O Lutefisk, how fragrant your aroma,
O Lutefisk, O Lutefisk, you put me in a coma.
You smell so strong, you look like glue,
You taste just like an overshoe,
But lutefisk, come Saturday,
I tink I eat you anyvay

O Lutefisk, O Lutefisk, I put you in the doorvay.
I wanted you to ripen up just like they do in Norvay.
A dog came by and sprinkled you.
I didn't hit him with my overshoe.
O lutefisk, now I suppose
I'll eat you while I hold my nose.

O Lutefisk, O Lutefisk, how well I do remember.
On Christmas Eve how we'd receive our big treat of December.
It wasn't turkey or fried ham.
It wasn't even pickled Spam.
My mother knew there was no risk
In serving buttered lutefisk.

O Lutefisk, O Lutefisk, now everyone discovers
That lutefisk and lefse make Norvegians better lovers.
Now all the world can have a ball.
You're better than that Geritol.
O lutefisk, with brennevin*
You make a man feel like Errol Flynn.

O Lutefisk, O lutefisk, you have a special flavor.
O Lutefisk, O lutefisk, all good Norvegians savor.
That slimy slap we know so well
Identified by ghastly smell.
O Lutefisk, O lutefisk,
Our loyalty won't waver.


Loo'-ta-fisk and lefse serve with a light white wine! Uffda!

Done with a Doo-Wop swing! Ja, sure!


*[Norwegian Brandy]
Lyrics adapted by Red Stangeland

[lovetheoldies]

"Nose Job" from my MAD record is one of my favorite songs since childhood, 60 years ago. Was Nose Job seriously from the 1950's? The record I have the song on, Mad Twists Rock 'n' Roll came out in 1962.

[lovetheoldies]

I love them all! Depends on my mood at the time or what I just heard or saw that brought one of the MAD record songs into my head. I just scratched my head and saw dandruff and HAD to hear that song I sang while watching the flakes fall... "Somebody Else's Dandruff" today.
Watching the hostilities grow between the U.S. and Russia I want to hear that song "Agnes" The Teenage Russian Spy.

Dec 24, 2006 22:05:53 GMT -5 Trusty said:

Remember the horror flicks of the '50s? Well, there ain't nuthin' as scary as this song:

www.mooload.com/new/file.php?file=files/251206/1167015790/Blind+Date.mp3

Blind Date

(Music & Scream)
(Music & Scream)

My buddy fixed me up with blind date
Just last Saturday.
And, was I embarrassed when she opened the door;
This is all I could say:
(SCREAM)

Blind date. Blind date.
I’ll never go on one again, you can bet.
Blind date. Blind date.
I’d rather play Russian roulette.

I was sure that a dark movie theatre
Was the safest place to hide.
But when she asked the usher to find us seats,
He looked at her and replied:
(SCREAM)

Blind date. Blind date.
I’ll never go on one again, you can bet.
Blind date. Blind date.
I’d rather play Russian roulette.

After the movie, I took her for a snack,
And, boy was my face red.
‘Cause when she asked the waiter if he made malts,
He looked at her and said:
(SCREAM)

Blind date. Blind date.
I’ll never go on one again, you can bet.
Blind date. Blind date.
I’d rather play Russian roulette.

Saying “Good Night”, I knew I’d never meet
Any gal uglier.
‘Cause even her folks, when they let her in the house,
This is how they greeted her:
(SCREAM)

Blind date. Blind date.

[doctork]

I'm another oldies lover! That started in my youth when we lived in Honolulu in the 1960's and I listened to KPOI.

I'm tuned into "Malt Shop Memories" radio on cable TV right now.