Fractured Christmas Songs, Anyone?

[hartlikeawheel]

Doodled this last year:

"Chipmunks roasting on an open fire
Their sweet smell tickling your nose
You'll be thinking 'bout what you'll acquire
Your house messed up by tape and bows.

Everybody knows some turkey on your spouse's side
Will boast 'til patiences are tried
Kids breaking toys, sneaking sips of the booze
You sure could use a well-earned snooze.

We hope that Santa's on his way
But heard he drank a little earlier today
And every mother in the room is going to cry
When she sees just what the reindeer dropped by.

And so I have just this one simple hope
(I'll feel the same the next year too.)
Although I speak like eggnog's made me a dope
That with Christmas I am through."

[joew]

I heard another version of "Chipmunks Roasting" many years ago. First line is the same; second line is, "Jack Frost picking at his nose." But that's all I can remember. Your version is very good, hart.

[slb2]

Sleigh bells ring
are you listening
in the lane
snow is glistening
A beautiful sight
we're happy tonight
walking in our winter underwear

Gone away is the bluebird
here to stay is a snowbird
He sings a love song
as we go along
walking in our winter underwear

In the meadow we can build a snowman
Then pretend that she is Parson Brown
She'll say: Are you married?
we'll say: No m'am
But you can do the job
when you're in town

Later on
we'll perspire
with our toes in the fire
To face unafraid
the plans that we've made
walking in a winter underwear

In the meadow we can build a snowman
and pretend that he's a circus clown
We'll have lots of fun with mister snowman
until the alligators knock him down

When it snows
ain't it thrilling
Though your nose gets a chilling
We'll frolic and play
the Eskimo way
walking in a winter wonderland

Walking in a winter wonderland
walking in a winter wonderland

[carolion]

In the AIDS hospice where I volunteered in Portland, one night a group of carolers came in - their first time, and they were good-deeding us. I sat with John, who was gay and quite aphasic but who sometimes just let loose with an amazing soul truth that you'd never forget.
So we sang along with the sing-alongs...and when the group was done, the preacher felt constrained to give a few words about how, even though these people with aids were obvious sinners, still it was important to share Christmas cheer with them.
John, smiling all the while, went up to him to shake his hand and said, "Isn't it funny? I thought we were singing, 'It Came Upon A Midnight Queer.'!"

[hartlikeawheel]

Thanks, Joe. Yes, the first line was plaigarized! It got me goin'.

Then there are "While Shepherds Washed Their Socks by Night" and the story of Sunday School children drawing the nativity.

In the corner of one little boy's picture was a small chubby man. Upon the teacher's request for the artist to explain his presence he answered, "Oh him? That's Round John Virgin."

[brutus]

"Jingle bells, shotgun shells, rabbits all the way!!!"
Don't know the rest.

Or...if you know about the group that call themselves The Upers; (Pronounced Yewpers)
Ohh, rust and smoke
The heater's broke
The door just blew awayyyy
I light a match
To see the dash
And then I start to prayyyy
The frame is bent
The muffler went
But the radio, it's okayyy
Oh what fun it is to drive
My rusted Chevrolet!
~B~

[Trusty]

Here's some from church:

To the tune of “Chestnuts Roasting”

Devils roasting in the lake of fire;
Judgment nipping at their toes.
“Gnashing of Teeth” is the song of their choir,
And Satan gets all the solos.
Everybody knows

That turkey and his demon host
Will cook forever and a day,
As the Redeemed of the Lord take their place
Up in Heaven - far away.

We know the Lord is on His way.
He’s bringing lots of crowns and blessings on that day.
And every Christian child is gonna fly
When the King comes breaking through the sky...

So...now, I’ll praise Him here with all my might
And hope that you will worship, too.
Although, it’s been said many times, many ways:
Jesus rules, and He loves you.

Jesus rules, and He loves you.

---------------

To the tune of “Deck the Halls”

Deck the halls with fresh anointing.
Ha-la-la-la-la-lalelujah!

It’s the time of His appointing.
Ha-la-la-la-la-lalelujah!

Now we bless the home we dwell in.
Ha-la-la--la-la-la-lelujah!

News of Jesus, we’re a-tellin’.
Ha-la-la-la-la-lalelujah!

----------------

To the tune of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”

You’d better stand up. You’d better jump high
And give a big shout. I’m telling you why:
The Holy Ghost is coming to town!

He’s changing your life - blessing it twice.
Gonna mark well who’s bought with a price.
The Holy Ghost is coming to town!

He’s with you when you’re sleeping.
He’s there when you’re awake.
He knows the things God wants to say,
Listen up for Jesus’ sake!

Oh...You’d better stand up. You’d better jump high
And give a big shout. I’m telling you why:
The Holy Ghost is coming to town!

[carolion]

Whoah-------we've got Santa/Satan/God [human version] all stirred together there. What a mix!!!