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Jokes
Jan 21, 2007 7:55:16 GMT -5
Post by scotbrit on Jan 21, 2007 7:55:16 GMT -5
Do you think it is a spoof?
I thought it was genuine because the so called comedian could not control himself either.
If it was a spoof, he would have been better prepared. Mmmm, but maybe you are right, if the videographer set it up that his pop was chosen to be one of the three stooges.
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Jan 21, 2007 8:09:20 GMT -5
Post by scotbrit on Jan 21, 2007 8:09:20 GMT -5
Thanks slb for the feedback.
As I said once before, one never knows whether the person reading these jokes are laughing, smiling or frowning, so such feedback is useful.
And now, a story against my own nation - which should allay any fears that Joe had in the first posting on this thread. A tale to celebrate Joe's birthday:
Small World
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in an Australian bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course", comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Scotland", replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Scotland too! Let's have another round to Scotland."
"Of Course", replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Scotland are you from?"
"Aberdeen", comes the reply.
"I can't believe it", says the first man. "I'm from Aberdeen too! Let's have another drink to Aberdeen."
"Of course", replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"
"Saint Andrews", replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Andrews and graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?", he asks the bartender
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The MacClyde twins are drunk again."
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Jan 21, 2007 8:14:49 GMT -5
Post by scotbrit on Jan 21, 2007 8:14:49 GMT -5
An elderly couple went to the Aberdeen branch of Macdonalds for a meal.
The wife went and found a table while the husband went and ordered the food.
When he arrived with the food he had 1 hamburger and 1 order of fries. He cut the burger in ½ and divided the fries in ½.
A gentleman beside them felt sorry and said he would gladly buy them more food.
The woman explained that it was fine - they had been married so long they shared everything.
The husband began eating but the wife just sat there, so the gentleman asked if something was wrong.
She answered: "Oh no. I'm just waiting for the teeth."
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rmn
Sleepy Member
Posts: 75
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Jokes
Jan 21, 2007 10:52:41 GMT -5
Post by rmn on Jan 21, 2007 10:52:41 GMT -5
A longtime employee of a local business had a heart attack and died right at his desk. The boss asked one the deceased man's fellow employees if he could go and inform his wife that her husband just passed. The man said he would and left the office, only to return an hour later with a case of beer under his arm.
The boss was incredulous, demanding to know why the man bought a case of beer instead of talking to the poor woman whose husband has just died.
The man relied to the boss, "I did speak to the woman. I rang her doorbell and when she answered, I asked to speak to the widow of the house. She told me there was no widow of the house and that she was quite happily married. So, I bet her a case of beer on it."
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rmn
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Posts: 75
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Jokes
Jan 21, 2007 12:04:04 GMT -5
Post by rmn on Jan 21, 2007 12:04:04 GMT -5
Two young women were taking a walk downtown. Both women had their dogs on leashes, one a Doberman and one a Chihuahua. The woman with the Doberman spotted a bar and pointed it out to her friend.
“Hey,” said the lady, “How ‘bout we go get ourselves a beer?”
“No way,” replied the lady with the Chihuahua. “They’d never let us in with these dogs.”
Her friend thought about it for a moment. “I bet they will. Just follow my lead.”
Just then, the woman with the Doberman walked in the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender said that no dogs were allowed. The woman said that the dog was here Seeing Eye dog.
“A Doberman as a Seeing Eye dog?,” asked the bartender. “I never heard of that.”
“Oh yes, Dobermans are being trained to do all kinds of things these days.”
The bartender shrugged and got the lady a beer.
So, the other young lady walks in the bar and orders a beer. The bartender told her the same thing.
“Hey lady, no dogs in the bar!”
“But this is my Seeing Eye dog,” cried the woman.
“Seeing Eye dog? A Chihuahua as a Seeing Eye dog?!,” asked the very irritated bartender.
“Oh my, you mean to tell me those bastards gave me a Chihuahua?!”
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Jan 21, 2007 12:22:02 GMT -5
Post by Tillie on Jan 21, 2007 12:22:02 GMT -5
LOL! Oh, R, the LOL was worth the pain in my stitched up lip! Thanks!
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rmn
Sleepy Member
Posts: 75
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Jokes
Jan 21, 2007 12:49:54 GMT -5
Post by rmn on Jan 21, 2007 12:49:54 GMT -5
Sorry 'bout your lip, Miss Tillie. Hope you get better, and none too soon.
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Jan 21, 2007 14:45:55 GMT -5
Post by hartlikeawheel on Jan 21, 2007 14:45:55 GMT -5
Oh gosh. These all are so awfully delightful.
Ole came from Norway and applied for a job at the local Lutheran church. Because he couldn't read he was declined the job.
But he bought a fishing boat and became so successful that soon he owned a fleet of them. It grew into a very lucrative life's work and he continued to be a good supporter of the church though never learned to read.
One day after a huge offering to the church the minister said to him, "Ole, look how successful you have been in America. I just can't imagine how much further you would have gone if you had been able to read.
Ole answered, "Yeah, I know. I could've been the janitor at the church."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The church was voting on whether to buy new carpet and Ole had to excuse himself to go to the men's room.
When he came back they had already passed out the ballots and he piped up, "Give me some paper. I vant to do something on the carpet."
I know. I know. It takes us so little to amuse ourselves.
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Jan 21, 2007 15:51:46 GMT -5
Post by hartlikeawheel on Jan 21, 2007 15:51:46 GMT -5
I have no idea where to put this and it's not worth a thread but has had me laughing for a litlle while now.
Do you know the public radio show "Wait, Wait. Don't Tell Me."?
Well they were just discussing Pia Zadora. Remember her? She married a Daddy Warbucks kinda guy and he was bound and determined to use his money to make that diminuitive little girl with no visible talent which I could see into an actress.
They said that one time on stage she was playing Anne Frank and when the "Nazis" showed up someone in the audience yelled, "She's in the attic!"
On a sadder note she and her aged mentor, well her mentor at least, bought Pickfair, the Hollywood home of Mary Pickford and Douglas Fairbanks, and had it torn down to build their own abode.
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Jan 21, 2007 20:09:17 GMT -5
Post by hartlikeawheel on Jan 21, 2007 20:09:17 GMT -5
A man buys a parrot whom once belonged to a salty-mouthed Navy man.
No matter what he does he cannot get that bird to stop with the bad language. Finally one day in the kitchen he gets so frustrated with the constant swearing that he opens the refrigerator freezer door and, in a fit of anger, throws the bird in there.
Some quiet for a while and then the bird begins to speak beguilingly. "Let me out. It's OK. I'll stop talking like that."
Feeling repentent he goes to let the creature out and puts the shivering pet on his shoulder.
"By the way," says the bird, "what did the chicken do?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm not certain if I posted this before. I know I've sent it to a few of my lesser respectful friends but I wondered if it wouldn't get me stoned here for its political incorrectness.
It comes from the Spouse and from his hopelessly incorrect police friends. Forgive if I've offended by posting it before or offended anyone of Asian ancestry but sometimes you can't stop my refusal to be MN nice.
Consider it like laughing at blondes or other wimmins.
But this little rascal knocked me offa my chair. The Packrat tries to keep me laughing and he knows what makes me laugh.
Why it is important to understand english:
when i got back from montana last week i had a bunch of canadian dollars i needed to exchange. so i went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. it was a short line with just one guy in front of me. he was a asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was getting a little irritated.
he asked the teller, "why it change? yestoday I get two hunna dolla for yen. today I get hunna eighty. why it change?"
the teller shrugged her shoulders and said, "fluctuations."
the asian guy says, "fluc you white people too!"
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Jan 22, 2007 14:00:11 GMT -5
Post by scotbrit on Jan 22, 2007 14:00:11 GMT -5
See post #84. All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear ... and be misread. These are not made up. Check them out yourself! 1. "Who Represents?" is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com2. "Experts Exchange" is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than "Pen Island" at www.penisland.net4. Need a therapist? Try "Therapist Finder" at www.therapistfinder.com5. There's the "Italian Power Generator" company, www.powergenitalia.com6. And don't forget the "Mole Station Native Nursery" in New South Wales, Australia. www.molestationnursery.com7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always www.ipanywhere.com8. And the designers at "Speed of Art" await you at their wacky Website, www.speedofart.comYou may not get #6. They are probably trying to work out another web address! Any suggestions?
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Jan 22, 2007 17:05:31 GMT -5
Post by scotbrit on Jan 22, 2007 17:05:31 GMT -5
California vintners in the Napa Valley, primarily producers of Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. Already sellers see it as helping to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.
It is going to be called "Pinot More".
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Jan 23, 2007 15:37:50 GMT -5
Post by scotbrit on Jan 23, 2007 15:37:50 GMT -5
PERKS OF BEING 50 & OVER
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with lift music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the met office.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.
And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming 'Wow! What a ride!!!'"
Author unknown
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Jan 23, 2007 15:49:26 GMT -5
Post by scotbrit on Jan 23, 2007 15:49:26 GMT -5
The following questions and answers were collected from last year's GCSE Exam results in Swindon, Wiltshire UK.
These are genuine responses (from 16 year olds)!
Geography Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All Water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and Nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this Fight. Sociology Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Biology Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: What is artificial insemination? A: When the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A] Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g.abdomen) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the Boorax the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the Five Bowels, A, E, I,O and U. Q: What is the Fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like Umbrellas. English Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning. A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (There is an ad for dish-washing soap in the UK "Hands that do dishes can be soft as your face.) Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Technology Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head.
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rmn
Sleepy Member
Posts: 75
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Jokes
Jan 23, 2007 16:09:32 GMT -5
Post by rmn on Jan 23, 2007 16:09:32 GMT -5
You just made for a very funny supper time tonight, good sir. I'll tell James and Sammy it came from across the pond.
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Jan 24, 2007 15:11:33 GMT -5
Post by scotbrit on Jan 24, 2007 15:11:33 GMT -5
Glad someone liked them RMN, but this one you may not wish to share with them!
A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting, or as some churches call it "Cry Sunday", one Sunday morning, took the microphone from one of the ushers, and bared her soul to the rapt congregation:
"I want to tell you about the awful accident that my husband, Jim, has suffered this past month. He was riding his bike, lost control, ran off the highway and hit a tree. He was rushed to the hospital, and could have died, but thank the Lord, all he suffered was a broken scrotum."
The congregation gasped in horror. The men in the congregation were obviously uneasy and writhed in their seats.
"Jim has been in terrible pain all month since the accident. He has trouble breathing. He has trouble swallowing his food. He can hardly lift anything, he's in so much pain, and he has missed work because of it. He can't lift our children up to hold them and give them the personal love that they need.
Worst of all, we can no longer cuddle nor have intimate relations. He is in constant pain, a pain so terrible that our love life has all but slipped away into oblivion. I would like to ask you all in the congregation to pray for Jim, and pray for us, that his broken scrotum will soon heal and be as good as new."
A dull murmur erupted within the congregation as the full impact of this terrible accident sunk in, and the men in the congregation were visibly shaken up with the thought that, "there but for the grace of God go I."
Then, as the rippling murmuring subsided, a lone figure stood up in midst of the congregation, worked his way up to the pulpit, obviously in pain, adjusted the microphone to his liking, then leaned over and said to the congregation:
"Hi! My name is Jim, and I have only one word for my wife, Jill. That word is: STERNUM!"
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rmn
Sleepy Member
Posts: 75
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Jokes
Jan 24, 2007 16:13:57 GMT -5
Post by rmn on Jan 24, 2007 16:13:57 GMT -5
From a county in Tennessee, where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this absolutely true story. (I can't confirm this, but who cares? It's a funny story). Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Paris, Tennessee. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry summer night), flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all. Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the truly proud Hillbilly. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
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rmn
Sleepy Member
Posts: 75
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Jokes
Jan 24, 2007 16:17:06 GMT -5
Post by rmn on Jan 24, 2007 16:17:06 GMT -5
Re: Jokes « Reply #105 on Today at 2:11pm: Brit
Good one, Brit. Sounds like that could have happened in my neck of the woods.
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Jan 24, 2007 18:52:26 GMT -5
Post by hartlikeawheel on Jan 24, 2007 18:52:26 GMT -5
Re post #100:
When I was a child our school library had a coffee-table sized book called The History Of Art. I liked it - Michaelangelo and stuff - and yet every time I saw it on the shelf I would read the spine of the book as saying The History O fArt.
Well, all study time was lost for a while upon that distraction.
Doesn't take much to make me giggle and did even less as a kid. Words.
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rmn
Sleepy Member
Posts: 75
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Jan 24, 2007 18:57:09 GMT -5
Post by rmn on Jan 24, 2007 18:57:09 GMT -5
Hart, you definitely have your humorous moments.
Words indeed.
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Jan 25, 2007 15:04:37 GMT -5
Post by scotbrit on Jan 25, 2007 15:04:37 GMT -5
A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said "I want to be a movie star."
Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.
The agent asked, "What's your name?"
The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."
The agent said, "Sir, I have to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name."
"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."
The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."
"So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and he left the agent's office.
FIVE YEARS LATER..... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $ 50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...
"Dear Sir, five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood and you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian.
After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. But I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.
Thank you for your advice.
Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke
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rmn
Sleepy Member
Posts: 75
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Jokes
Jan 25, 2007 16:36:43 GMT -5
Post by rmn on Jan 25, 2007 16:36:43 GMT -5
This has been floating about in cyberspace for some while. Maybe some of you have not seen this. Is it true? Who knows?
rmn
Only in Louisiana
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client who lost his house in Hurricane Katrina and wanted to rebuild. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to the parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:
(Actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
(Actual Letter):
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.
For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition.
Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA.
I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?"
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Jan 26, 2007 0:53:01 GMT -5
Post by slb2 on Jan 26, 2007 0:53:01 GMT -5
Don'tch y'all jes love Louisiana?
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Jan 27, 2007 11:14:01 GMT -5
Post by scotbrit on Jan 27, 2007 11:14:01 GMT -5
These two are not jokes per se, but illustrate the Scottish sense of humour. These two tales are genuinely true.
The manager of the Rangers Fotball Team in Glasgow, Walter Smith, and BBC commentator Gordon Smith were called upon to draw the raffle at the Rangers Burns Supper this week. Simple enough.
Folk had to answer a question - who scored the first goal in the 5-0 win over Dundee United? - stick a tenner in the envelope, then add their name and table number.
Gordon draws the first winner and sees the name of Rangers player Charlie Adam and decides there should be a redraw rather than giving the prize to a player.
Remarkably, Gordon is stunned when the second envelope he draws also has Charlie Adam's name on it. Fearing some kind of wind-up, Gordon furiously pulls another two envelopes out, again with Charlie's name on it, and demands to know who's messing about with the raffle.
It is then gently explained to him that Charlie Adam is the answer to the question, and all the winners have their names written below it. Thus results the sight of Walter and Gordon scrabbling around for the envelopes Gordon has already thrown away.
Nnasty childrenn We hear of a wee laddie who came home from school last week, obviously upset, and he tells his mum that the other kids had been calling him a bad name.
Mum asks what it was, but he doesn't want to say a bad word, so tells her it begins with "N".
Mum puzzles over this for some time, and cannot work out what he was called beginning with N, and eventually insists that he can tell her the bad word without getting into trouble.
"They called me a narse," he finally blurts out.
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Jan 27, 2007 11:25:56 GMT -5
Post by slb2 on Jan 27, 2007 11:25:56 GMT -5
Nnasty childrenn We hear of a wee laddie who came home from school last week, obviously upset, and he tells his mum that the other kids had been calling him a bad name. Mum asks what it was, but he doesn't want to say a bad word, so tells her it begins with "N". Mum puzzles over this for some time, and cannot work out what he was called beginning with N, and eventually insists that he can tell her the bad word without getting into trouble. "They called me a narse," he finally blurts out. Please use American English in your posts to this cybercommunity. Dumb clucks like me don't understand anything other. <ahem> what's narse?
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Jan 27, 2007 11:56:45 GMT -5
Post by scotbrit on Jan 27, 2007 11:56:45 GMT -5
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Jan 27, 2007 12:50:51 GMT -5
Post by scotbrit on Jan 27, 2007 12:50:51 GMT -5
An elderly man and two young ladies are travelling in a elevator.
One of the ladies gets a perfume spray out of her purse, squirts it and says to her friend "Chanel no.5. $150 an ounce."
The other one also gets a perfume spray out, gives it a squirt and says "Givenchy. $200 an ounce".
As the man gets out of the lift he farts and says "Brussel sprouts. 49¢ a pound."
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rmn
Sleepy Member
Posts: 75
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Jan 30, 2007 12:45:32 GMT -5
Post by rmn on Jan 30, 2007 12:45:32 GMT -5
Apologies to Doc K and J*: I trust you'll forgive me. (After all, this is in the Jokes section RMN FACTS TO PONDER: (A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000. > (B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000. > (C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171. > Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services. > > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> > Now think about this: > Guns: > (A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000. > (Yes, that's 80 million). > > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> > (B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500. > > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> > (C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188. > Statistics courtesy of the FBI > > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> > So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners. > > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> > Remember, "Guns don't kill people, doctors do." > > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> > FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR. > > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> > Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand! > > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> > Out of concern for the public at large, we have withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention. >
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Jan 30, 2007 13:55:56 GMT -5
Post by Tillie on Jan 30, 2007 13:55:56 GMT -5
R! StopitStopitStopit!!! You are opening ol' wounds....remember, lip service?
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rmn
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Jan 30, 2007 14:19:47 GMT -5
Post by rmn on Jan 30, 2007 14:19:47 GMT -5
I think they will both laugh, Tillie.
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