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Post by booklady on Aug 18, 2015 14:59:34 GMT -5
One of the things I like about Anne Tyler's writing is her ability to write from a character's perspective and then, in the next chapter or section, write about that same character as he or she comes off to those around him or her. Books like Dinner at the Homesick Cafe, Saint Maybe, and her new book, A Spool of Blue Thread, are ones that come to mind. You think you have a pretty sympathetic or "relate-able" character and then you find out, hmmm, wow, well this is how that person appears to others and is maybe not so sympathetic after all.
Sometimes family dynamics or dealings with friends give me a clue that I have NO CLUE how I appear to others. This has been an issue for me recently.
If you had a magic mirror that you could look in and see yourself as others see you, would you look?
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Post by doctork on Aug 18, 2015 17:23:35 GMT -5
I try to imagine how others might feel about something when it seems they feel much different from how I feel.
An example - I've delivered thousands of babies, but for the mother giving birth it's her first or second (or some higher number, but it won't be thousands). What's routine to me is unique and special for her. I try to remember that.
So yes, I would probably look in the mirror because it likely would help me do my job better, be a better mother, wife, friend. But this is probably an example of the Heisenberg principle - the act of observing something changes it.
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Post by booklady on Aug 19, 2015 18:21:05 GMT -5
I don't think I would. Sometimes I get an inkling, and I don't want to know more.  For example: My daughter (to a group sitting around a table): He's the only person I know who actually flosses his teeth everyday. Me: No. I floss MY teeth every day. My daughter: (A withering look is worth 1,000 words.) |
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Post by BoatBabe on Aug 23, 2015 20:04:47 GMT -5
Fascinating: the act of observing alters the reality being observed. I think I would look in the mirror. Remember the book "Frogs Into Princes?" It was that neuro-linguistic book from decades ago. I found it very useful in management positions. In the work place, I could change unwanted, negative behaviors into positive behaviors by reading body language. I then changed my words, speaking sequences and teaching behaviors until the person I was teaching actually understood the behavior required to do their job and get along with the other people working there. nlp-mentor.com/frogs-into-princes/I think the mirror would be fascinating. |
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Post by BoatBabe on Aug 23, 2015 21:32:56 GMT -5
I don't think I would. Sometimes I get an inkling, and I don't want to know more. For example: My daughter (to a group sitting around a table): He's the only person I know who actually flosses his teeth everyday. Me: No. I floss MY teeth every day. My daughter: (A withering look is worth 1,000 words.) If you had said that to me, Booky, I would have laughed and said, "well, Ex-CUSE me! He's one of TWO people I know who actually floss their teeth every day." Then everyone would have laughed and the conversation would have moved on. But you aren't my Mom, we don't have any "history" together, and I'm not intimidated by you starting a sentence directed at me with the word "NO . . . " in front of people we know. I hear your daughter's withering look saying: Mom!! You just called me a liar in front of my friends! Or: You just told these people that I don't even know my own MOTHER. Probably followed by: You ALWAYS do that. And/Or: You ALWAYS embarrass me in public. If you had started with: Yes . . . Whatever you said after that would have been received differently. Just saying. And humor, especially self-deprecating humor, helps other people feel not attacked or corrected. And my observations are worth exactly what you paid for them.  Look in the mirror if you want. If you don't like it, change it. In my case, I'd like to mess with it for the adventure. "Mom!! You NEVER do that. Wow!" or "Hmmmmmm. How did you know that?" |
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Post by booklady on Aug 24, 2015 16:50:15 GMT -5
Or if I had just kept my know-it-all mouth shut?
I might learn someday. Argh.
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Post by joew on Aug 24, 2015 17:47:44 GMT -5
In booky's defense, I doubt the line about the only person who flosses his teeth every day was not delivered with a tone of admiration. IOW, daughter was unknowingly ridiculing her mother. The response to the insult was natural.
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Post by joew on Aug 24, 2015 17:49:28 GMT -5
As to the magic mirror, I think I'd look, but with considerable trepidation. It could help me learn ho to deal more effectively with them.
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Post by slb2 on Aug 26, 2015 23:18:52 GMT -5
In booky's defense, I doubt the line about the only person who flosses his teeth every day was not delivered with a tone of admiration. IOW, daughter was unknowingly ridiculing her mother. The response to the insult was natural. I think the statement was more hyperbole or storyteller's dramatic flair and Bookie's negating it threw a wet blanket on the yarn she was spinning. Not that I would have done ANY differently than Books. And my daughter would also have skewered me with imaginary darts. |
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Post by slb2 on Aug 26, 2015 23:21:06 GMT -5
As to the Magic Mirror, I would look. My mother has a tone of voice that is...difficult for me to bear. On occasion, my children have accused me of using that tone of voice. I don't recognize it. I'd like to hear/see me do this so that I could correct myself. My tone of voice does not always convey what I mean.
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Post by liriodendron on Sept 17, 2015 19:53:42 GMT -5
I would look. Of course, I'd also hope that for each person who saw me as "less than", there would be someone who saw me in a better light than I saw myself.
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