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Post by Jane on Jan 1, 2012 20:11:42 GMT -5
When my dad had to go into a nursing home in the last two weeks of his life (he was 6'2, and my mom was 5', and he was impossible to handle), my mother was horrified. The last time we saw him, she looked back at him and said, "You wouldn't do that to a dog..." and now we are doing it to her.
She was a lovely lady, always impeccably groomed, thin and dignified. Now she is lifeless, scraggly, fat (all she will eat is candy, which she steals from the kitchen and other people's rooms) and doesn't know anyone in her family (to whom she was devoted). If she were herself again for five minutes, she would beg to die.
It is really awful.
$5,000 is for an excellent, well-staffed and caring facility. I wouldn't want any less for her, but writing those checks every month is tough.
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Post by BoatBabe on Jan 1, 2012 22:40:08 GMT -5
I am watching family members here writing checks for over $10,000.00 per month for their loved ones' nursing home care, and that does not include pharmaceuticals, or other types of treatments.
Sad. Damn sad, Jane. We certainly would not do that to a dog.
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Post by doctork on Jan 2, 2012 16:10:12 GMT -5
I am sorry Jane. Sometimes I am thankful that both my parents died relatively quickly, as did my father-in-law.
As one of my professors said "There is nothing wrong with sudden death. The only problem is the timing.
It seems there ought to be a better way for the disabled and demented elderly than warehousing in nursing homes.
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Post by gailkate on Jan 4, 2012 16:44:08 GMT -5
We've written what we hope are airtight health directives to avoid being captive on machines, but the issue of longterm care is hard to prepare for. We are quite willing to end our lives when we are no longer able to stay at home, but I know of no easy way to do that. There should be such a way, and eventully I believe there will be. Anyone who doesn't want to avail themselves of it is free to linger in a nursing home. I know my mother wouldn't have chosen to endure those last years and I'll bet Jane's wouldn't either.
We've talked about this before, and I've felt wholly inadequate to offering comfort. I'm glad you have the joy of your kids and grandkids during this terribly painful time. I prayed for my mother's release (and, to be honest, my own) so I know the kinds of thoughts going through your mind. You are a wonderful daughter.
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Post by Jane on Jan 4, 2012 17:57:53 GMT -5
Thanks. I don't feel so wonderful. If she didn't have money, I can't imagine what I would do. What do people do who don't have the money for good assisted living? The idea of having to care for her in my home is too much to comtemplate.
I keep having dreams that I am in our old house, and my mom is just dandy, but I know the people who bought the house will be back soon, and how in the world am I going to get her out of the house?
I'm counting on my sister's supply of Fatal Plus (she uses it to euthanize animals).
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Post by doctork on Jan 4, 2012 20:43:41 GMT -5
I don't see any answer to long-term care costs. The policies one buys in advance are terribly expensive and/or have many loopholes or you can't buy them due to pre-ex.
back in the day when families were large and tended to stay in one place, the siblings shared the responsibility for care of aging parents - a month or two at a time, then on to the next home. Or care in one home but the siblings who lived elsewhere came over and helped out a lot. Full responsibility, full time, for an aging parent is too difficult for most families nowadays, as they have their own full-time employment as well as crazy teen-age children, boomerang adult children, and often care of grandchildren because someone is in jail or a drug addict.
People who don't have the money don't get good nursing home care. I suspect that they die earlier due to preventable complications, which may or may not be for the best. My first healthcare job was as a nurse's aide in a nursing home; I was 20 years old and had no health care experience whatsoever, so it was quite shocking to me. I think our patients got quite good care, but it was still pretty grim.
Alternatives such as ice floes and unfortunate accidents come to mind.
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Post by BoatBabe on Jan 4, 2012 23:36:44 GMT -5
I am seeing local small families who are attempting to give 24-hour care at home to aging parents, and it ain't workin' so good.
One circumstance from today: one daughter came in and said that the weekend was very bad. Her very large Dad is the one at home being cared for by the family. The entire family takes turns staying over with Mom, who is less that four feet tall, trying to care for Dad. All of the kids (who are over 55 years old themselves) are looking very haggard.
The daughter said that the hospice caretaker came in over the weekend and told Dad that they were considering Respite Care. Dad asked, "What's that?" The hospice worker explained that it was a little vacation for people who had been working too hard, and needed a little rest.
Dad responded, "Well, HELL, I don't need a vacation!" The hospice worker replied, "Bill, I wasn't talking about YOU. Take a look at your family."
Dad did not take this news very well. This is the culmination of a family promising a mentally well, physically deteriorating parent that he would NEVER go to a nursing home.
The daughter nearly broke completely down.
Then there is my co-worker: Her Step-dad had been the caretaker for her Mom, until he became terminal. They hired home caretakers. The Step-dad died first. Her Mom is still being cared for in her home, and Mom doesn't even know that her husband has died. My co-worker and her husband have stopped paying the mortgage on Mom's home (over $200,000 still on the mortgage.) They are just going to let the bank take it back, and hope that they can keep Mom afloat until she can float off by herself.
It's a tough world out there.
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Post by gailkate on Jan 13, 2012 9:49:16 GMT -5
It's a tough world, indeed. I could have posted a story from today's paper that woud make us all weep, but instead I offer this. The latest ad campaign for drawing tourists to North Dakota was tested on Facebook yesterday. The outcry was deafening. www.inforum.com/event/image/id/309328/headline/Nightlife%20ad/ No offense, brutus, but this just has to be reported.
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Post by joew on Jan 13, 2012 10:13:43 GMT -5
It's a tough world, indeed. I could have posted a story from today's paper that woud make us all weep, but instead I offer this. The latest ad campaign for drawing tourists to North Dakota was tested on Facebook yesterday. The outcry was deafening. www.inforum.com/event/image/id/309328/headline/Nightlife%20ad/ No offense, brutus, but this just has to be reported. What were the developers of this ad thinking doing in their minds?
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Post by Jane on Jan 13, 2012 10:28:52 GMT -5
They were thinking that the evening would end with all five in the picture would be dancing nude around a fire. Of course.
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Post by BoatBabe on Jan 15, 2012 17:27:10 GMT -5
So, ummmmmm, have you been doing some nude dancing around the fire, Jane? Or maybe you want to do some nude dancing around the fire? Not only is that ad stupid, where are their parkas and fur boots?!?!?
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Post by Jane on Jan 15, 2012 18:52:57 GMT -5
Too cold for naked dancing, fire or not. Maybe wearing an insulated burka...
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Post by BoatBabe on Jan 15, 2012 19:52:25 GMT -5
I like it. Naked under an insulated burka.
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Post by brutus on Jan 16, 2012 18:52:31 GMT -5
Yeah, I know. Somebody just HAD to think they had to be offended. Good grief! Now, if the girls were opening the fronts of their topper-most garments, or lifting the bottom-most areas for exposition, I could see a problem. Good grief! Oh well, a new age! BTW, them girls in the ad were pretty nice lookin'. Which makes me believe they were tourists. ~B~
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Post by rogesgallery on Jan 16, 2012 21:26:15 GMT -5
It's a tough world, indeed. I could have posted a story from today's paper that woud make us all weep, but instead I offer this. The latest ad campaign for drawing tourists to North Dakota was tested on Facebook yesterday. The outcry was deafening. www.inforum.com/event/image/id/309328/headline/Nightlife%20ad/ No offense, brutus, but this just has to be reported. Having worked in the industrial trades for years, and being familiar with the psychology of the young unskilled industrial worker, I have to believe that this add is directed more toward attracting workers to the oil field jobs rather than attracting tourists. Nobody — need I repeat NOBODY — goes to N. Dakota for the nightlife. The oil companies working the Baaken shale fields in N. Dakota have been advertising for unskilled workers all over the internet. They are desperate as is the state for revenue.
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Post by joew on Jan 16, 2012 22:52:57 GMT -5
Having worked in the industrial trades for years, and being familiar with the psychology of the young unskilled industrial worker, I have to believe that this add is directed more toward attracting workers to the oil field jobs rather than attracting tourists. Nobody — need I repeat NOBODY — goes to N. Dakota for the nightlife. The oil companies working the Baaken shale fields in N. Dakota have been advertising for unskilled workers all over the internet. They are desperate as is the state for revenue. Maybe they should advertise in Mexico (and Arizona).
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Post by rogesgallery on Jan 17, 2012 22:27:53 GMT -5
Having worked in the industrial trades for years, and being familiar with the psychology of the young unskilled industrial worker, I have to believe that this add is directed more toward attracting workers to the oil field jobs rather than attracting tourists. Nobody — need I repeat NOBODY — goes to N. Dakota for the nightlife. The oil companies working the Baaken shale fields in N. Dakota have been advertising for unskilled workers all over the internet. They are desperate as is the state for revenue. Maybe they should advertise in Mexico (and Arizona). I guess they already have Joe www.usatoday.com/news/nation/story/2012-01-02/North-Dakota-Arizona/52344394/1
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Post by rogesgallery on Jan 18, 2012 7:49:40 GMT -5
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Post by doctork on Jan 18, 2012 9:25:45 GMT -5
Maybe someone with more spare than me time will summarize this?
In the meantime, my take is this is the usual suspects (MPAA, Rupert Murdoch, etc.) seeking to gain more money and power at the expense of the ordinary citizen.. You or I post a line from a film or a video of a performance and we're slapped with a million dollar law suit from the powers-that-be who have plenty of money and lawyers. I don't.
Or we want to find an essay or a piece of music - often a prelude to buying it - and we find that wiki is down, or is fighting lawsuits.
The usual business of the rich get richer by purchasing the representatives, senators, Supreme Court Justices, and president they wish, attaching the puppet strings and then directing the performance to their liking.
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Post by doctork on Jan 18, 2012 9:35:33 GMT -5
As for North Dakota - I have received numerous recruiter requests for family doctors in ND, with (for me) exorbitant salaries, in some cases perhaps one-quarter or even one-fourth of what some "ologist" with a scope might earn.
If other employers are offering similar enticements, perhaps North Dakota will attract residents, not just tourists. But Roger and I toured North Dakota 2 years ago - what more could they want?
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Post by rogesgallery on Jan 31, 2012 15:58:39 GMT -5
Very good lecture on civil liberties today on Alternative Radio - .org — Susan Herman, President of the Civil Liberties Union, "The War on Liberties" Listen www.alternativeradio.org/
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Post by doctork on Jan 31, 2012 20:54:49 GMT -5
I am feeling sufficiently well-informed about the erosion of our civil liberties (and angry and sad, which is why I raise cain about TSA, the most obvious offender) that I'm not going to pay $14 or even $2 to listen or read what she says, but here is the summary:
The War on Liberties
Program #HRMS001. Recorded in Portland, OR on October 03, 2011.
//Voltaire said, "It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong." In the decade of fear since 9/11 the government has constructed a vast apparatus of control and surveillance. Your most obvious experience is at the airport but it extends way beyond that. Big Brother is watching. Basic liberties are under attack all in the name of protecting those liberties. National security is ritually invoked to cover a range of violations of the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. The beacon of freedom descends into a twilight zone of criminality. The state has 16 intelligence agencies with untold billions at their disposal in black budgets, operating in secret, carrying out black operations and following what are called presidential findings. Defending liberties is not what they are about. And they sometimes confuse dissent with disloyalty.//
I am sure she is a good speaker with valid points but I am already sickened by the way most Americans roll over and play dead in the face of these disgusting incursions on our Constitution. We get the government we deserve, a Republic if we can keep it. After more than 225 years, we may not keep it, instead we end not with a bang but a whimper. "Anything for security!"
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Post by BoatBabe on Feb 1, 2012 23:57:11 GMT -5
I am sure that there are many, MANY people of many countries who would love to only have "these disgusting incursions on our Constitution."
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Post by joew on Feb 2, 2012 0:51:54 GMT -5
I am sure that there are many, MANY people of many countries who would love to only have "these disgusting incursions on our Constitution." No doubt. Hopefully we'll never get to the level some of them are at. But that does not excuse throwing away our constitutionally guaranteed freedom.
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Post by BoatBabe on Feb 2, 2012 10:04:44 GMT -5
I am sure that there are many, MANY people of many countries who would love to only have "these disgusting incursions on our Constitution." No doubt. Hopefully we'll never get to the level some of them are at. But that does not excuse throwing away our constitutionally guaranteed freedom. I'm not saying it is an excuse, nor am I suggesting we throw away our constitutionally guaranteed freedoms. I'm just pointing out that, from a global perspective, we sound like Rich American Whiners.
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Post by Jane on Feb 2, 2012 10:38:40 GMT -5
I hate it when stuff is taken out of context. I'm certainly not a Mitt Romney fan, but, no, he didn't exactly say, "I don't care about the poor." Well, he kind of did, but it's getting all blown out of proportion. Are people too ADD-afflicted to be able to comprehend more than a five second sound bite?
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Post by gailkate on Feb 2, 2012 10:41:33 GMT -5
I've been hesitating about commenting here because I want to calm the rhetoric. It's hard to converse when a good friend uses words like "sickened" and says most of us are rolling over and playing dead.
I belong to the ACLU even though I often disagree with them. I'm glad there are people going to the mat on unpopular issues, and I pay attention when they raise an alarm. When it comes to security I think we have to weigh all the pluses and minuses. No one is throwing away our liberties.
I wonder what K and Joe do that others don't do. I write letters and post on blogs and we donate what we can manage to candidates and causes. When my aging back permits, I knock on doors and schlep signs (yes, I know many of you hate them) and go to meetings and help write local resolutions for my party caucus. Many people do much much more, and they have full time jobs. But even my fairly limited participation generates a million emails a day, asking for money, asking me to call my Congress members, asking me to sign petitions. I do most of what is asked, though I don't blindly follow what every organization urges.
What acts of civil disobedience should we undertake?
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Post by rogesgallery on Feb 2, 2012 16:06:34 GMT -5
Did I start this? Cool.
The Roman Republic lasted 250 years. The Empire survived for another 2000. The knowledge of this was likely the basis for Mr Franklin's trepidation. The overly ambitious and greedy have always overpowered, used, and walked upon the bodies of the meek. There is nothing wrong with ambition IMRO — kept carefully under control. Unrestrained ambition, though, has historically pushed the meek forward faster than their feet, and thus ended in failure.
It's always interesting to see pragmatists arguing idealistic subject matter, and that is what the ACLU is — The radical voice of equality for the meek middle class. Unfortunately the middle class seldom sees the value of proactive discussion — "Don't upset my apple cart".
IMRO there have only been two short periods when the middle class has stood together to speak out against the ruling class in this country; from 1925 to 1940 and from 1959 to 1975.
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Post by doctork on Feb 2, 2012 22:29:26 GMT -5
I hate it when stuff is taken out of context. I'm certainly not a Mitt Romney fan, but, no, he didn't exactly say, "I don't care about the poor." Well, he kind of did, but it's getting all blown out of proportion. Are people too ADD-afflicted to be able to comprehend more than a five second sound bite? Yes, people have a very short attention span, and thus it is easy to twist statements to someone's detriment. Sadly, Speaker Gingrich will be able to use this to his own advantage when it could be argued he is far less concerned about the poor that Governor Romney. Still, Mr. Romney should not be so careless in his statements as to leave himself open to this sort of attack. gk, just because Joe and I have different opinions than you doesn't mean we do things that are different. Aside from opting out of backscatter and MMW at the airport and stating my reasons (4th amendment, privacy and medical risks of ionizing radiation in the case of backscatter), I would imagine my activities are the same as yours: letters, donations, visits to the capitals (DC and the states) to meet with legislators and their LA's. I don't think that is whining; legislators want to hear constituents' thoughts, and like-minded individuals/organizations want our support.
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Post by doctork on Feb 2, 2012 22:52:08 GMT -5
What acts of civil disobedience should we undertake? Other than opting out at the airport and changing phone carriers when I discovered that mine had handed over all my telephone records of phone calls between me in Kabul and my family in Washington, I do not know what acts of civil disobedience can be taken. National Opt-Out Day just before Thanksgiving 2010 was foiled by DHS/TSA strategically closing off all the Nude-O-Scopes and using only WTMD, so there was nothing to opt out of. Most of the Patriot Act-related actions, details of the "No Fly List" and other secret lists are exactly that - secret. As are off-budget operations. I know of no civil disobedience action to take against this, either. Maybe keep your cellphone with you at all times so that if something untoward happens to you, you can record it and post it on YouTube. That has made a huge difference in police brutality cases and to individuals like Phil Mocek.
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