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Post by Trusty on Mar 15, 2007 11:44:46 GMT -5
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Post by gailkate on Mar 15, 2007 13:30:23 GMT -5
Trusty, you've killed your own thread. No one could top that.
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Post by rogesgallery on Mar 15, 2007 13:45:37 GMT -5
Not so fast Gail-- You go to the dentist and after quelling your nervousness by naming all the fish you find a Dewalt sticker on the exam room door.
It may not be a topper but the thought will strike an equal amount of fear in many.
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Post by Jane on Mar 15, 2007 13:50:11 GMT -5
I don't get it. Who (or what) is DeWalt?
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Post by slb2 on Mar 15, 2007 13:52:10 GMT -5
I double don't get it. Naming all the fish? Huh?
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Post by Jane on Mar 15, 2007 13:53:07 GMT -5
OK, I have one. I think I may have related this to you before.
Sigmoidoscopy, first one. In a teaching hospital. The doctor is talking the intern (who is possibly all of 12 years old) through the procedure for said intern's first time.
Doctor: Ok, ok, that's right, ok, keep going, ok, that's good STOPWAITNOSTOPSTOP!
It was a defining moment.
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Post by rogesgallery on Mar 15, 2007 13:54:14 GMT -5
Youll get this one
You find Rattlesnake tails in your seven yo's pocket
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Post by Jane on Mar 15, 2007 13:55:44 GMT -5
You've baffled us one and all. Perhaps not a difficult feat.
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Post by rogesgallery on Mar 15, 2007 13:56:30 GMT -5
Dentists all have fish tanks and Dewalt makes power Tools...Uh where do you girls live Rumania?
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Post by scotbrit on Mar 15, 2007 17:48:43 GMT -5
I got the power drill connection Roges, but naming the fishes was a bit cryptic - even for me!
KY I have heard of but not the tube of Ben Gay.
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Post by booklady on Mar 15, 2007 18:10:25 GMT -5
Collecting on that hug from Roges would be a religious experience.
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Post by rogesgallery on Mar 15, 2007 21:02:25 GMT -5
Ben Gay = Icey Hot, Tiger Balm, Sports Creme
Booky, Maybe you've been married too long, the religious experience comes a couple of hours after the Hug.
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Post by rogesgallery on Mar 15, 2007 21:10:37 GMT -5
So did anyone get the rattlesnake tails? Sheesh
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Post by rogesgallery on Mar 15, 2007 21:15:48 GMT -5
How about you find a picture of your college age daughter in an E mail for Tender Teens.
Ow! oh OWie!! Ouch! Stop it already! I was jus joking. This is suppose to be a religious experience not a Crusade.
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Post by Trusty on Mar 15, 2007 22:32:42 GMT -5
Trusty, you've killed your own thread. No one could top that. Well, I might be able to myself. Did I ever post, here or on the CBox, when I was working in the yard and upset the nest of yellow jackets? Maybe I was going to, but forgot. Anyway, it was the ultimate religious experience. It was a hot summer Sunday, and our pastor had preached that morning about "taking authority" over circumstances - like the Bible says about us being created to have authority over all the beasts of the field, etc. That afternoon, I was working outside, and I was kind of sweaty. I moved my wheelbarrow over a small mound next to my house and heard this "ZZZZZZZZMMM". Then I felt something that I PRAY no one EVER experiences in their life. Nothing much really - I just pray that none of you ever have a swarm of angry yellow jackets fly up your shorts. You see, I started feeling something moving "down there" that I knew was not really - uh - invited. I instinctively reached down and then - "OW! OW! SH*T! WHAT THE --- JESUS!" I really don't know how hard it is to get a picture of a middle-aged guy running across the back yard - in severe pain - with his pants pulled down to his knees (so he can only run from his knees down like an uncontrolled "hopping") - trying to "swat" the unwelcome bugs that are hanging on by their stingers at the same time, but not "swat" too hard for obvious reasons - yelling words not normally used while trying to "take authority" over the little bastards that had already done their dirty deeds. I finally got them off of me and made my way inside the basement. I was hurting; GOD, I was hurting. I yelled to my wife upstairs, "Beverly! Help me!" "What's wrong?" "I ... uh ... got STUNG!" "Oh. Well, put some Sea Breeze on it, and I'll take a look at it when I come down." I was so out of it, I didn't know what to do, so I did what she said. Now, Sea Breeze is one of the strongest astringents you can get. I mean, if you want your face really cleaned of makeup or even pimples dried up, you can't beat it. The label on the bottle says, "... its refreshing tingle tells you your skin is being deep cleaned." I didn't read the label - just took a cotton ball and swabbed it all over the "affected area". "Deep Cleaned"? Deep? DAMN! Holy Crap! WHOAAAAA!!!! This was worse than the yellow jackets! I mean I felt like Jerry Lee Lewis - "Goodness Gracious ................................." Beverly tried to act serious when she was checking me out, but I've never been able to get the smile off her face. I mean - there are sometimes we will we get intimate, and the least little thought..... Oh, well, I guess I have to look at my "religious experience" as building character and making me stronger - in that area.
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Post by joew on Mar 15, 2007 23:15:42 GMT -5
That was pretty funny, Trusty, until I got the the mention of Jerry Lee Lewis. LOL squared.
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Post by slb2 on Mar 16, 2007 5:01:34 GMT -5
Thank you. I've just had my gasping laugh-of-the-day.
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Post by Gracie on Mar 16, 2007 8:21:59 GMT -5
Trusty, you've killed your own thread. No one could top that. Well, I might be able to myself. Did I ever post, here or on the CBox, when I was working in the yard and upset the nest of yellow jackets? Maybe I was going to, but forgot. Anyway, it was the ultimate religious experience. It was a hot summer Sunday, and our pastor had preached that morning about "taking authority" over circumstances - like the Bible says about us being created to have authority over all the beasts of the field, etc. That afternoon, I was working outside, and I was kind of sweaty. I moved my wheelbarrow over a small mound next to my house and heard this "ZZZZZZZZMMM". Then I felt something that I PRAY no one EVER experiences in their life. Nothing much really - I just pray that none of you ever have a swarm of angry yellow jackets fly up your shorts. You see, I started feeling something moving "down there" that I knew was not really - uh - invited. I instinctively reached down and then - "OW! OW! SH*T! WHAT THE --- JESUS!" I really don't know how hard it is to get a picture of a middle-aged guy running across the back yard - in severe pain - with his pants pulled down to his knees (so he can only run from his knees down like an uncontrolled "hopping") - trying to "swat" the unwelcome bugs that are hanging on by their stingers at the same time, but not "swat" too hard for obvious reasons - yelling words not normally used while trying to "take authority" over the little bastards that had already done their dirty deeds. I finally got them off of me and made my way inside the basement. I was hurting; GOD, I was hurting. I yelled to my wife upstairs, "Beverly! Help me!" "What's wrong?" "I ... uh ... got STUNG!" "Oh. Well, put some Sea Breeze on it, and I'll take a look at it when I come down." I was so out of it, I didn't know what to do, so I did what she said. Now, Sea Breeze is one of the strongest astringents you can get. I mean, if you want your face really cleaned of makeup or even pimples dried up, you can't beat it. The label on the bottle says, "... its refreshing tingle tells you your skin is being deep cleaned." I didn't read the label - just took a cotton ball and swabbed it all over the "affected area". "Deep Cleaned"? Deep? DAMN! Holy Crap! WHOAAAAA!!!! This was worse than the yellow jackets! I mean I felt like Jerry Lee Lewis - "Goodness Gracious ................................." Beverly tried to act serious when she was checking me out, but I've never been able to get the smile off her face. I mean - there are sometimes we will we get intimate, and the least little thought..... Oh, well, I guess I have to look at my "religious experience" as building character and making me stronger - in that area. Daggone, Trusty! I KNEW I went to bed too early last night. I missed THIS little gem altogether. (Ummm...that's little gem as in story...in no way any disparagement and/or salaciousness intended toward your ummm...bits and pieces, as it were. ) Last spring I was hustling down the steps to my mom's front door and walked smack into a hornet/yellowjacket/wasp/minion of Satan. It got trapped behind my sunglasses and I was flailing madly at my face, yes, smacking my own face, which made the damn thing madder than ever (I never actually saw it because at first sting I shut my eye, o' course) so it just kept stinging. SO I ended up with five stings on my cheek, cheekbone, eyelid and browbone, which my doctor says means there was more than one little bastard (as you so eloquently and succinctly put it) It hurt like blazes but didn't look all that bad...at first. Until the next morning when I woke up looking just like Popeye the Sailor Man (believe me, I heard every single prizefighter, etc. joke ad nauseum.) It looked as if I had a purple plum where my left eye was supposed to be. I had a strange discoloration on my cheek all summer. Even so. YOURS must have hurt worse, and I defer to your expert storytelling! Might I suggest you wear BLOOMERS this summer. You know...elasticized legs. Or bicycle shorts? ;D
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Post by slb2 on Mar 16, 2007 8:48:27 GMT -5
How very sad, I'm so enjoying everyone's misery.
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Post by brutus on Mar 16, 2007 8:49:30 GMT -5
Yeah, ain't it great??? ~B~
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Post by gailkate on Mar 16, 2007 9:16:46 GMT -5
I'm not topping the bee stories, as this isn't mine. Also, the misery quotient seems to be pretty much equal, or as much as makes no difference. But for a mental picture, add this: A friend of Jerry's was painting the upper story of his house when he angered a "whole bunch" of bees. He was screaming and attempting to get out of overalls while descending an extension ladder. Once on the ground he ran naked for the hose, oblivious to the gawking neighbors.
Ok, roges, I'll admit it. I don't get the rattlesnake tails.
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Post by rogesgallery on Mar 16, 2007 11:13:07 GMT -5
I realize we're in some ...delicate territory here Trusty butt?... or where... exactly were these critters adhered?...er...could ...your... ah... answer here be used as maybe... dialog for some of the spam I get?
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Post by rogesgallery on Mar 16, 2007 11:22:32 GMT -5
Ouch Gracie Sounds like a classic case of Bee Tox gone bad.
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Post by Trusty on Mar 16, 2007 12:56:28 GMT -5
I realize we're in some ...delicate territory here Trusty butt?... or where... exactly were these critters adhered?...er...could ...your... ah... answer here be used as maybe... dialog for some of the spam I get? I again defer to Jerry Lee Lewis.. And I'm not wearing bloomers when I have such a good excuse not to work! BTW, I'm trying to get the courage to wear the underwear my wife picked up for me last year at Georgia Tech (Some things are just TOO ironic!).
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Post by booklady on Mar 16, 2007 16:02:49 GMT -5
Trusty, I want to know if you were going commando that day. Those bees got up there pretty easily.
(Great story, BTW. I read it this morning, and then in the middle of health class today I thought of you and started laughing out loud and had to hide it from the kids so they wouldn't ask what I was laughing about.)
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Post by booklady on Mar 17, 2007 7:52:29 GMT -5
Still don't know if Trusty was wearing undies that day, but I guess he's just going to leave it to my imagination... ;D
I had what was definitely a religious experience on Sunday, March 14, 2004, at City of Palms Park in Fort Myers, Florida. I was there for Spring Training and a gathering of some internet Red Sox friends of mine. We had such a wonderful weekend going to games but also socializing together. Saturday I went used book store hopping with one of the dearest friends I will ever have. On Sunday morning I picked up another friend Lynn, who was there from Minneapolis, and we went early to the ball park. It was a gorgeous warm day, and so peaceful and relaxing, it was like God had put me there for a transcendant experience. And it was. There was love and friendship, there was green grass, bright sun, and warm air, there were baseball players and baseball sounds, there were Cracker Jacks and Red Sox shoelaces bought at the Red Sox souvenir store......it was lovely. The church of baseball.
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Post by Trusty on Mar 17, 2007 10:14:43 GMT -5
Still don't know if Trusty was wearing undies that day, but I guess he's just going to leave it to my imagination... ;D Since your imagination is quite a dangerous thing, I'd better answer to avoid turmoil in the atmosphere - I was wearing underwear (but it really wouldn't matter to a determined yellow jacket!) Now, I'm not Bill Clinton, so whether I was wearing boxers or briefs WILL be left to your imagination. ---- This morning, I really had more of a lapse of memory than a religious experience (which I've been having more of lately). Earlier, I cleaned off the window sill of ladybugs (or which we have quite an abundance here) and threw them in the toilet. Forget to flush it. Later, I went to the bathroom and saw these small round black things floating in the toilet and said, "Did I do that?"
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Post by Trusty on May 4, 2007 12:58:09 GMT -5
Sent to me...
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found that LOTS of people love Jesus. Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and when he leaned out of his window and screamed, "for the love of God, GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus.
Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing, why even he was enjoying this religious experience.
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
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Post by brutus on May 12, 2007 10:23:28 GMT -5
I been rereading a few old threads. Trusty's story of the bees had me laughing so hard, my dog thinks I lost my mind. Here's a similar story that took place when I was a wee lad; On the farm, we had what we called "sweat bees". Small li'l buggers that would work up your arm to your armpits, or other sweaty places, hence the name. Well.....(ahem) One did manage to get into my pants. Didn't sting, but I knew what it was and what it might do. I was in a real panic. Mom adivised me to drop my drawers and let him out. I was rather embarrassed to do so, even though no one was around. I just kept hopping and bawlin' about a sweat bee in my pants. Finally, I did follow the advice and rid myself of this potential terrorist, much to my relief. I haven't lived that 'un down yet. And, summer's approaching again! ~B~
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Post by slb2 on May 12, 2007 13:37:02 GMT -5
It's a good thing I wasn't there as a witness, iykwim.
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