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Mar 30, 2007 11:58:30 GMT -5
Post by Jane on Mar 30, 2007 11:58:30 GMT -5
I am so not having a good week. I do not do well with change, and there is waaaaaaaaaaay too much change going on right now. This is my last day at work. My house doesn't belong to me anymore, and I don't have a new one to move into. I owe the IRS money I don't have. My daughter thought she had found a great school for Henry and now finds it is ranked 1750th of Michigan's 1800 schools. Her son Peter is two, and the only thing he can say is....well, nothing, really. "Whee" and the sound a cat makes is about it. So that's a worry, and she's having tests and assessments done on him. I have plantar fascitus and walk around like I am 9000 years old. My husband and I are about to enter into much closer proximity than we have shared for 37 years. Oh, yeah, and I totally forgot my 37th anniversary three days ago.
Help me cope!
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EEK!
Mar 30, 2007 13:56:57 GMT -5
Post by slb2 on Mar 30, 2007 13:56:57 GMT -5
You've stuck with it for 37 years? I'm coming up on 19 years and giving myself pep talks every day. But to your point, you do not do well with change. Let's see what hasn't changed. Your hair color? Your shoe size? Your favorite coffee shop? See? That stuff that stays with you, in fact, sticks to you so that you can't shake it off, that's all stayed the same. The one thing you couldn't bear to change? It's still the same, whatever it is. You're doing better than you realize. If I can, I'll drive through your town in June. We can at least wave to one another. ;D
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Mar 30, 2007 15:10:17 GMT -5
Post by joew on Mar 30, 2007 15:10:17 GMT -5
That is an awful lot to have thrown at you at one time. Fortunately, a lot of it is beyond your control. That means you can let go of it, and what happens, happens. I don't mean you don't care, but that you leave it to others and just be there.
As I write this, I am reminded of something the priest who came to give a mission in our parish said. He said we need to remember that there is one God, "and we ain't it." The point being that when we try to play God by controlling persons, places, or outcomes, we give ourselves spiritual trouble.
I hope Peter will be okay. And I know nothing about plantar fascitus, except plantar means the sole of your foot (or else that you look like a peanut farmer — think Jimmy Carter), but I hope there is an effective treatment.
If there is no option to switch Henry to a better school, your daughter can at least make sure he does his homework. If it seemed like a good school, maybe it's better than the numbers say, or at least better than that for kids who want to learn.
Keep looking. You're bound to find a house you like and can afford in the greater Grand Rapids area — maybe even have some money left over to pay the IRS (if it turns out you really do owe them).
But I know of nothing to overcome proximity to one's spouse. That, you've just got to live with and "get used to it."
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EEK!
Mar 30, 2007 15:44:22 GMT -5
Post by liriodendron on Mar 30, 2007 15:44:22 GMT -5
Let's see, no one has touched on Peter, age 2. I can offer two stories that might help you to feel better about the situation, at least until the test results come back with a more definitive explanation.
When my oldest was about two, we belonged to a playgroup. One of the mothers in this playgroup had twins, who were also about two, one of whom spoke very little. When this mother took her daughter for her two-year check-up, the doctor asked whether or not she was able to put two words together to make a phrase. He mother said, alas, she could not. The doctor was not to be deterred. She looked directly at the daughter and said, "Can you say something for me?" The little girl looked her straight in the eye and replied, "No way!" The doctor said, "Well, there's two words for you and that's good enough for me!"
My youngest child also did not say very much by the time he was two. He would simply point at things and say, "This!" When I mentioned my concern to our pediatrician, she asked, "And what do you do when he does this?" Well, by George, one of us would give him whatever he was pointing at. She told us to stop doing this. He had no reason to use any other words. Apparently, we were enabling his lack of vocabulary. She also asked if we were doing anything differently with this child than we had with our other two. The only thing that I could think of was that he seldom watched television. The older boys' toys, with all the little pieces that would be choking hazards, were in the family room, along with the t.v. We had simply kept him out of the room, as it was the easiest way to ensure that he wouldn't get into those things. Amazingly, the pediatrician suggested that I find a way to allow him to watch t.v. every day. Who would have thought? (FYI - you can't shut him up these days.)
Good luck with all of your changes. If nothing else, it should give you good fodder for when you finally write that book!
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Mar 30, 2007 16:41:07 GMT -5
Post by rogesgallery on Mar 30, 2007 16:41:07 GMT -5
I have never had much luck opening my mouth around frustrated women.
Case in point: Breath Breath Breath...SHUT UP YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT FEEL LIKE!!
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Mar 30, 2007 16:52:46 GMT -5
Post by doctork on Mar 30, 2007 16:52:46 GMT -5
I am trying to remember if this is Official Pediatric Teaching, or just something I learned myself over the years. It's akin to lirio's comments. Second and later children often speak less or later than older kids because they are the baby, and big brother/sister helps out as well as both parents. No need to talk when you have three people ready and waiting to figure out what you want and get it ASAP. Also, parents may have less time (at least it's divided in two with two kids) to hover over the child, urging them to speak, ceaselessly labelling everything in sight, saying "Dog!" "Cup!" "Baby!" Also, when I've been in foreign countries and encounter a child who speaks better English then me, it's always because they have access to a television and watch American TV.
One philosophy of childrearing: You spend the first two years encouraging them to walk and to talk. The next 20 years you spend telling them to sit down and shut up.
Parents can make a lot out of a "bad school." Half the time the ratings are meaningless anyway. There is probably a very good reason your daughter thinks it is a great school.
About moving: Growing up in a military family, then my extended education endeavors, I moved frequently over the years. I always thought it was terrible to have to leave, and cried every day the closer it got, especially when it was a voluntary move I brought upon myself. But every one of the moves (about 15 by now) has turned out to be for the best. Just takes a while to plow through all the work, physical and emotional.
About the IRS: quick note before my blood pressure goes up and steam comes out my ears. Maybe you don't really owe the money, so check your math or whatever to be sure. If you do owe the money, you can probably work out a payment plan (voice of unpleasant experience here). Ask joew or your tax advisor, or even call the IRS for real advice, I'm just a doc.
You're allowed to forget even obvious things when you are in the midst of huge change.
Plantar fasciitis is tricky. Sometimes shoe inserts can help. Medications like Motrin and Aleve (NSAIDs, or Non-Steroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drugs) may relieve pain, and reduce inflammation. If non-steroidals don't help (or you shouldn't take them for some reason that's listed on the label), steroids might - pills or injections, but there are pros and cons, so you have to see your doctor. Depending on the local medical community, "your doctor" might be your family doc, an orthopedist, or a podiatrist. Sometimes DOs are more interested in musculoskeletal and foot problems than MDs.
Close proximity with spouse? I don't know, but I'm sure you will figure it out. Maybe try those Xanax Salad Sprinkles?
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Mar 30, 2007 17:28:12 GMT -5
Post by booklady on Mar 30, 2007 17:28:12 GMT -5
Jane, you have elicited some excellent comments and I can't add anything except moral support. If I were going through what you are, I'd be an out-of-my-mind certified lunatic. I do agree with all those who said your daughter's impressions of the school may mean more than its rating. You just don't know. Joe's advice in any case is sound. Make sure Henry does his homework. I don't want to say too much (as I've had errors of judgment in the past regarding talking too much about school), but I found myself in a first-ever situation today regarding the need to discipline a student. I'm sorry to horn in on your "EEK" moment, but I'm really beginning to question whether I can deal for many more years with the cultural shifts our young kids are reflecting, and their resultant emotional needs. But hey, this is a moment for you to be proud and celebrate!
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Mar 30, 2007 17:29:29 GMT -5
Post by booklady on Mar 30, 2007 17:29:29 GMT -5
I...walk around like I am 9000 years old.
P.S. I'm sorry, but I laughed out loud when I read this. It was just too much.
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Mar 30, 2007 17:36:06 GMT -5
Post by liriodendron on Mar 30, 2007 17:36:06 GMT -5
So Jane, did they throw you a party? Give you a gold watch? Buy you drink after drink at Happy Hour?
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Mar 30, 2007 17:59:49 GMT -5
Post by gailkate on Mar 30, 2007 17:59:49 GMT -5
Sweet Jane, these things are character-building, right? I hope Lirio is right and you are already quaffing Pink Squirrels and singing lustily.
I feel obliged to add my voice to Lirio's and Dr.K's - I was a second child who didn't really speak until the age of three. This being pre-TV, my big sister was always deemed the cause of my reticence. Once I felt like talking, my vocabulary was extensive and advanced, so quiet kids are absorbing words besides "juice" and "doggie."
If it's not a great school, your daughter can undoubtedly supplement its deficiencies till they find something more satisfactory. Without officially home-schooling, i bet she can teach like the best of the best (BL, for example;-)
Soak your foot in witch hazel. I read somewhere it helps. Soak Bill in witch hazel.
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Mar 30, 2007 18:12:47 GMT -5
Post by booklady on Mar 30, 2007 18:12:47 GMT -5
I'm willing to have a bad day and for Jane to have a lot of change in her life if it means we get to see you again, gail. (Aren't I generous to volunteer Jane for some stress and turmoil? )
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Mar 30, 2007 18:57:22 GMT -5
Post by slb2 on Mar 30, 2007 18:57:22 GMT -5
I'm exalting gailkate for dipping her toesies back into our froggy water, or is that fogey water?
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Mar 30, 2007 22:37:17 GMT -5
Post by gailkate on Mar 30, 2007 22:37:17 GMT -5
Thank you, m'dears. I'll try to play nicely and not run with scissors.
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Mar 30, 2007 22:40:37 GMT -5
Post by liriodendron on Mar 30, 2007 22:40:37 GMT -5
Thank you, m'dears. I'll try to play nicely and not run with scissors. gailkate, you couldn't run with scissors if you tried.
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Apr 2, 2007 17:38:06 GMT -5
Post by Jane on Apr 2, 2007 17:38:06 GMT -5
Back from a lovely weekend in Chicago, albeit at a halting pace. Second City was as irreverant and funny as always, dinner at Joe's was expensive but delicious, the hotel had a view of Lake Michigan and blue, blue sky, the city was at it's best with the daffodils and hyacinths coming up (although I must say, it is a WINDY city!), and now I am back in my (temporary) home for a quick house cleaning, proxacing of the cat, unpacking and repacking of the clothes and then up to GR for a busy couple of days looking with increasing desperation at houses.
The inserts seem to be working.
Peter now says what a cat, dog and lion say. Unfortunately, they all say the same thing. Meanwhile, I asked Anna (six months older than Peter) how she was doing, and she said, "I'm very cute."
I will take care of the boys while Annie goes and sits in on classes at the school and tries to get to the bottom of the abysmal test scores question.
I keep thinking of things I should be doing at work.
And I haven't punched Bill in the head even once.
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Apr 3, 2007 10:26:16 GMT -5
Post by slb2 on Apr 3, 2007 10:26:16 GMT -5
And I haven't punched Bill in the head even once. And this is an option?
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Apr 4, 2007 9:22:41 GMT -5
Post by gailkate on Apr 4, 2007 9:22:41 GMT -5
In re. punching Bill - how was your weekend? House prospects? I know you're feeling frazzled, Jane, but I would adore househunting right now. In the first 30 years of my life I moved more than 30 times. But then I slowed to a trickle and have lived the last 25 in just two houses. Jerry's mindset is his parents' - you work up to a house you like and live in it forever. I like our house, but I must have nomad genes. So I browse around on Ebay, looking for things to make small decor changes. This is fraught with - well, not peril, but possible consternation. I seem to have bought a lot of small porcelain and pottery birds. I sort of wanted the duck but not all the others. Because we walk around a golf course with our dogs and encounter numerous ducks and geese, I thought our house needed some reference to their significance in our lives. Does anyone want a cute little goose with a blue apron?
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Apr 4, 2007 9:37:50 GMT -5
Post by slb2 on Apr 4, 2007 9:37:50 GMT -5
In re. punching Bill - how was your weekend? House prospects? I know you're feeling frazzled, Jane, but I would adore househunting right now. In the first 30 years of my life I moved more than 30 times. But then I slowed to a trickle and have lived the last 25 in just two houses. Jerry's mindset is his parents' - you work up to a house you like and live in it forever. I like our house, but I must have nomad genes. So I browse around on Ebay, looking for things to make small decor changes. This is fraught with - well, not peril, but possible consternation. I seem to have bought a lot of small porcelain and pottery birds. I sort of wanted the duck but not all the others. Because we walk around a golf course with our dogs and encounter numerous ducks and geese, I thought our house needed some reference to their significance in our lives. Does anyone want a cute little goose with a blue apron? Hi Sister! I have nomad genes, also, but like your Bill, er, that is, like your Jerry, Ace wants to stay put. I adore moving because I like change. Not because of any decor alterations. In fact, my home is mostly decorated by my kids (school projects) and my mother. (Mom is a closeted fiber artist.) But the thrill of uprooting and starting fresh tantalizes me. I often think, both gratefully and wistfully, that if Ace weren't here to ground me, I'd fly off into space, breaking, even, past orbit.
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Apr 4, 2007 10:12:57 GMT -5
Post by gailkate on Apr 4, 2007 10:12:57 GMT -5
"I adore moving because I like change."
Precisely. That's why my little decor changes are so pitiful. Besides the rootedness of our mates, I'm hampered by a tiny budget, as I suspect you are. If I could knock out walls, build a big garage with a playroom on top...
But I'd still like a whole new place every couple of years. If I could pay for packers and unpackers, that is. We're getting a bit stiff in the joints for all that manual labor - especially carting boxes of books. And records, for heaven's sake - we still have way too many albums I won't part with. They aren't even valuable, battered and scarred, their backs chewed on by various puppies. But "Meet the Beatles"? How could I part with that?
So get your mom to make more fiber objets d'art and fly away in your poems.
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Apr 4, 2007 10:34:09 GMT -5
Post by slb2 on Apr 4, 2007 10:34:09 GMT -5
I like gailkate a lot. Don't you?
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Apr 4, 2007 11:05:11 GMT -5
Post by Jane on Apr 4, 2007 11:05:11 GMT -5
Indeed I do. Perhaps a few of us should leave our perapetetic (I know that's spelled wrong) mates aside and invest in a giant RV to roam around the country. Although I guess Al Gore would disapprove.
Saw eight condos yesterday. Boring! Seeing eight houses this afternoon. Now I am babysitting for Peter while my daughter runs a Spring Fling at the Parks and Recs Dept. I have decided a good nickname for him would be Shiva; isn't that the god of destruction?
So far since 9 (it is now 12), he has eaten a cup of yogurt, a whole banana, a box of raisins, a fruit juice popsickle, a bowl of cereal and another bowl of cheetos along with three glasses of water. Maybe he has Prater-Willy disease. But I think he is smart. He copies everything I do, follows commands (when he feels like it) and quickly figures out tinker toys, cars etc and also laughs at the right time when I do one of my grammy sure-fire jokes like putting a bowl on my head and acting surprised when it falls off (ya gotta play to your audience).
Yesterday I had the air conditioning on. Today it is snowing.
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Apr 4, 2007 11:07:21 GMT -5
Post by Jane on Apr 4, 2007 11:07:21 GMT -5
and gk, in another weird similarity, I have managed to collect a great number of bird thingys which are displayed on top of a built-in chest in the hallway. I think it charming.
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Apr 4, 2007 11:11:16 GMT -5
Post by doctork on Apr 4, 2007 11:11:16 GMT -5
I like gailkate a lot. Don't you? Yep. And you too, Suze. I love change. Adventures. Moving. Keep my passport current at all times. Do you know your Meyer-Briggs Personality Inventory type? I'm ENFP. On the "P" part (Perceptual having to do with, among other things, readiness to change) I score the max, while on its opposite, "J" (Judgemental, having to do with liking everything scheduled), I usually score zero. One person I greatly admire is my high school classmate Steve. He apologized to our class listserv that he has few enough possessions that he can pack everything he owns in his Volkswagen. WOW! He deserves a medal, not an apology. Admire is different from doing of course. I have at least five feet of vinyl records on my shelves, and I am too embarrassed to tell you how many book boxes we packed and moved here to Washington back in 1999.
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Apr 4, 2007 13:34:14 GMT -5
Post by gailkate on Apr 4, 2007 13:34:14 GMT -5
I like every one of you a lot! Jane, as soon as you have your new address, there may be some birds coming your way. I, too, am an ENFP. I suspect many of us share this minority reading. Do the rest of you know yours? I used to be able to administer and interpret the test, but I'm probably too rusty to do it now.
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Apr 4, 2007 14:16:37 GMT -5
Post by hartlikeawheel on Apr 4, 2007 14:16:37 GMT -5
That test, Meyer-Briggs, is so useful in understanding personality conflicts with important people in your life and giving one insight into one's needs and actions as well as those of others. It's fairly forgiving of irritating traits.
If I may I'll give a very truncated version for those who are unfamiliar with it.
It's based on four scales of personality:
I - introverted E - extroverted
N- intuitive S - sensory
T - thinker F - feeler
J - judger P - perceiver
There is a great site somewhere on the web which indicates the various permutations by how they may be enacted out in peoples' choices of work. In our family we have found extraordinary coincidences in the accuracy of this test. And, as all tests of personality, they can have their various quirks of validity.
We are interesting in our predelictions.
Spouse: ISTJ, salt of the earth, keeps the trains running on time, thing-oriented Me: INFJ/P, in transition, flighty, people-oriented and sensitive. Son: ISTP, mechanically inclined, quiet, flexible Sis: ENFP, creative, friendly, marches to her own drum
As the only E no wonder she lights up a room when she walks in and no wonder she feels a bit out of place and maybe some emotionally drained spending time with the rest of us!
The transition? It is possible, with a lot of work, to change one's thoughts and then behaviors or equally one's behaviors and then thoughts.
Betcha nobody here would have thought I was an introvert! It has less to do with behavior than with one's interactions with others.
Here's a good explanation which is a gentle and understanding one (of which many personality tests lack): introverts gain their inner strenth and energy through their quiet times alone. It doesn't mean that they don't enjoy being with folks. Extroverts boost their vigor in interacting with other people and are often depleted in their solitary times.
Hope that I haven't derailed the thread. I've often thought it may be fun to start a thread on the test and what we learned or confirmed about ourselves. You TJs would probably not agree with that. Don't need to!
Of you, Jane, and the major decisions you are being called upon to make right now, my hart is mindful. (Yoda talk) Guess they used to call it a "mid-life crisis." These times of self-evaluation are a guidance and are pretty tough to weather. The heart speaks to us, a mixed blessing.
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Apr 4, 2007 16:05:04 GMT -5
Post by joew on Apr 4, 2007 16:05:04 GMT -5
… Although I guess Al Gore would disapprove. … Big Al won't mind at all as long as you buy the offsetting credits the way he does so he can consume enegry to his heart's content.
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Apr 4, 2007 18:04:40 GMT -5
Post by gailkate on Apr 4, 2007 18:04:40 GMT -5
You Democrat-haters sure are cranky.
What to you all think? a thread on the MBTI and how it does or doesn't reflect your traits?
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Apr 4, 2007 18:10:27 GMT -5
Post by doctork on Apr 4, 2007 18:10:27 GMT -5
[/quote]
Big Al won't mind at all as long as you buy the offsetting credits the way he does so he can consume enegry to his heart's content.[/quote]
This from my knowledgeable friend Steve, the very same Steve who can fit all his possessions in a Volkswagen. Note he is bipartisan, and points out the "green" virtues of President Bush's property in Texas, too.
The *#!? about Mr. Gore's "hypocrisy" is laughably banal. It's based on the ludicrous premise that Gore is "lecturing" people about changing their lifestyles to granola and yurts. Nothing could be further from the truth, as anyone who has actually listened to the message of his oscar-winning film would know. Of course that eliminates almost all of the people whining about his hypocrisy. His message is that we already have the technology to reduce carbon emissions right now, without sacrificing our comfortable lifestyles. He is showing the way by greenifying "that old house" and by driving a hybrid vehicle.
Mr. Gore provides us with another example worth following in the formation of his "green" investment company. Why is it hypocritical for a capitalist to invest in something s/he really believes in, and realize a profit when people do what s/he consider to be "the right thing"? If more people did what Mr. Gore is doing, there would be alot more money available for r&d, alternative energy would be cheaper, and the people who are making the effort to reduce greenhouse gas emissions would be making more money for their efforts.
What makes this "hypocritical" is the unfounded assumption that Mr. Gore is not a capitalist, and that he is encouraging other people to give up their own capitalist ways and revert to medeival huts and hardscrabble subsistence. Ludicrous!
All this fixation on Mr. Gore's house is a big fat red herring, just like all the vacuous arguments that were foisted upon a mildly disinterested American public in the 2000 election campaign...
Just FYI, the Crawford ranch incorporates all the latest appropriate technology, including both passive and active soler heat, super insulation, and a ground-based venttilation system. The difference between what Mr. Bush did and what Mr. Gore is doing is that Bush used all new materials to build from scratch rather than taking an old energy hog and converting it to something greener as Gore is doing with his Nashville home. Both provide a worthy example for all of us to follow in our own living arrangements.
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Apr 4, 2007 18:11:50 GMT -5
Post by doctork on Apr 4, 2007 18:11:50 GMT -5
anja, thanks for the succinct and accurate explanation of the MBTI. I have found it to be impressively accurate.
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Apr 4, 2007 18:12:35 GMT -5
Post by joew on Apr 4, 2007 18:12:35 GMT -5
MBTA = Massachusetts Bay Transportation (or is it "Transit") Authority
MBTI = ? Massachusetts Bay Transportation Impossibility? …Irony? …Idealism? …Incompetence? …Inspiration? …Iswhatitis?
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