DEAR JOE,

[juliastar]

Bananas sliced with hot fudge sauce are only good when served on vanilla ice cream with pecans, whipped cream and half a jar of maraschino cherries.

[mike]

juliastar said:

mike said:

It was implied that I drink to much and that I post [here] while under the influence of alcohol.

That was joke. And you left out the context which was your "stop your whining" editorial written at falco's (and sisterbeer's) expense. And in bringing it up, you prove my point when it comes to offense. Human nature being what it is, thick skin is the order of the day unless it is your ox that is being gored. I didn't mean anything by my don't drink and post quip except to make a rhetorical point, which I hope is seeping in, because I am truly bothered that this forum made falco feel so upset and friendless even if no one else is.

None of Ed's examples worked because none were examples of discussions anyone was having in which he had said, excuse me, time out and people persisted.

Now if we had all been sitting around telling Viagra jokes and he were to post, I'm sorry but I have a little sexual dysfunction problem and this sort of humor makes me feel really uncomfortable and we all started telling more can't get it up jokes, then he would have made a valid point. It seems when one asks for a little sensitivity, like falco did, that cease and desist isn't too much to ask, especially from people who say they intended no harm. It wasn't like we were talking about the war or anything else that mattered.

You kill me, Jay. My curiosity is satisfied.

Love,
Mike

[carolion]

Love is in the air,
Love is everywhere
and all of us know beyond a shadow of a doubt
we know in our souls
we are loved
and that, indeed, we ARE Love.

Oh, our little egos strive and strain
and sing our little ego refrains
but truly, truly, truly in our One Big Heart
we are loved, yes we are -
and we Are love.

Our friend Jesus told us to be slow
in judging others - don't we know!
And in forgiveness to be quick,
and follow Him and drop the schtick....
And oh, in that Great Big Heart that we ALL share,
there's loving and forgiving everywhere....
Because that's the only kind of Home
that Lost Lambs come back to after roamin'
and that's our lovely little Home.

[carolion]

rhyme & meter & articles allllll need reworking -
just like us
the above is a work in progress.

p.s. Jay, you're absolutely right about the hot fudge---sigh.

[brutus]

juliastar said:

mike said:

It was implied that I drink to much and that I post [here] while under the influence of alcohol.

That was joke. And you left out the context which was your "stop your whining" editorial written at falco's (and sisterbeer's) expense. And in bringing it up, you prove my point when it comes to offense. Human nature being what it is, thick skin is the order of the day unless it is your ox that is being gored. I didn't mean anything by my don't drink and post quip except to make a rhetorical point, which I hope is seeping in, because I am truly bothered that this forum made falco feel so upset and friendless even if no one else is.

None of Ed's examples worked because none were examples of discussions anyone was having in which he had said, excuse me, time out and people persisted.

Now if we had all been sitting around telling Viagra jokes and he were to post, I'm sorry but I have a little sexual dysfunction problem and this sort of humor makes me feel really uncomfortable and we all started telling more can't get it up jokes, then he would have made a valid point. It seems when one asks for a little sensitivity, like falco did, that cease and desist isn't too much to ask, especially from people who say they intended no harm. It wasn't like we were talking about the war or anything else that mattered.

Joe here:
Mike! You drunken Bas....er....POSTER, Whatever it is you imbibe in...carry on!!! At least if one makes a misque here, while under the alcofluence of incohol, nobody dies. More the better than doing same whilst behind the wheel of a car.

Being willing to be open and honest about one's consumption level is, in my eyes, better than what a friend of mine referred to as a Sh*thouse drinker, or closet drinker if you will.

Now my take on the hasty exit of Falco: While I didn't read the whole shebang, the gist I get is that she took offense because of the Seven Dwarves Rating thingy here. J*, for example is a "Bashful Member". Where, oh, where does one read a personal insult into that??

I saw nothing from anyone to be percieved as a direct grenade thrown at Falco's child. My memory ain't fer beans, but even I realized that Booklady has come 'round to us after the blessed event of the child's birth. In fact, the mentions of any maladies in relation to this child had long subsided before BL's arrival. How could she know?? Hmm?? C'mon, Hotshot, answer me!!!!
I thought so.

I can sympathize with those whose feelings are easily wounded. I'm one. I was the athletically challenged kid in school. I took a lot of verbal abuse from others. Sometimes I think my feelings are still healing from those days, now thirty years gone. To have someone become my "Friend" then use what they knew about me to relay to others who used this knowledge as brickbats to make my grade school days nine months of hell does give one pause to reflect. So, I can understand how Falco feels. However, no one......NO ONE....made direct comments to, or about Falco or her child. So.........take that for what you will.
Mike? Whatever you're having.........make it a double!!!

As for Sisterbeer.....does anyone know why she ducked out?? I miss her!!!
Signed
Joe

[carolion]

Deer Joe,
(I forgot what I was gonna say)
I love you.
Dopey Croney
p.s. Joe do you think Sisterbeer just might have gotten weary of dodging sticks and stones others were throwing - not at her - while she was onstage doing the hoochy kootchie?

[slb2]

juliastar said:

I am truly bothered that this forum made falco feel so upset and friendless even if no one else is.

It seems when one asks for a little sensitivity, like falco did, that cease and desist isn't too much to ask, especially from people who say they intended no harm. It wasn't like we were talking about the war or anything else that mattered.

I agree that falco left because of hurt feelings. But it wasn't completely clear to me how we were continuing to injure her sensibilities.

Once she'd let us know what the problem was, I didn't see a continued theme of jokes regarding dwarfism. So was it simply that we continued to joke about other stuff that was offensive? That we did it on a thread that she found painful to even see existing in the prairieChatter?

In that case, if I could have, I would have simply removed the thread. But I didn't know for sure what still bothered falco. I thought that by seguing to another topic within the thread, that would be sufficient.

I also saw that some people did make sincere and eloquent apologies. But that was not enough, either? Forums such as this are bound to be a tangle at one time or another. I think if folks would simply disengage from the knot and move to other threads, they'd be happier.

If someone doesn't like the tenor of a thread, why persist in reading it? Except that the someone has a point to make or an axe to grind or is trying to hurt him/herself? Or wants to feel self-righteous?

If falco is reading this, know that I'm not making accusations about you. But I wonder about anyone who continues to read what that person finds objectionable.

Myself? If I were to be reading a thread that dissed birthmoms. Called them the lazy SOBs that they are. Made comparisons to rabbits and even lower life forms, I might keep reading. And I might voice my opinion, in objection to what they are assuming about birthmoms.

But if I were to read a thread that ridiculed adoptive children, I've be very vocal in defense of adopted children. If I couldn't make headway, I hope I would cease and desist. I guess that's what falco did.

probably not making much sense, here.

[juliastar]

slb2 said:

I agree that falco left because of hurt feelings. But it wasn't completely clear to me how we were continuing to injure her sensibilities.

I don't like to beat dead horses and when offending behavior has stopped, I like for that to be the end of it but Mike brought it up again and if you really believe the offending behavior stopped, please go back and read what happened between falco's post at #15 and her "now I'm really mad" post at#57.

Mike inserted his phooey on political correctness hooey which put an end to the making nice and was followed by wee folk / smurf / dustball / and lint same difference language.

slb2 said:

In that case, if I could have, I would have simply removed the thread. But I didn't know for sure what still bothered falco. I thought that by seguing to another topic within the thread, that would be sufficient.

I also saw that some people did make sincere and eloquent apologies. But that was not enough, either? Forums such as this are bound to be a tangle at one time or another. I think if folks would simply disengage from the knot and move to other threads, they'd be happier.

As I see it, she tried to explain and she was disrespected all over again, worse than the first time by some people. It reminded me of the playground. When a child cries, most children rally round. Some sense the weakness and call names all the louder. You think she should have just moved over to another thread and talked to us about what we were having for Thanksgiving or flirted with Brutus about whether he was wearing clothes?

[juliastar]

This is why falco said she left:

guest said:

You people are as sensitive as a sack of rusty wire hangers. I truly, enormously, regret the time I have spent trying to know you. What a waste of time it has been. I am glad to know the truth about you. I had no idea that anyone would ever be this callous toward me regarding this issue. Thanks for leaving me with the impression that the world is a worse place than I thought.

Shame on you, especially, cl. You acted like my friend. You were lying. Thanks, j, for being one person at least to come to the defense of someone in need.

When this started, I was just trying to change the subject from one I found really unpleasant. Now you people have blithely, merrily, jokingly, really injured me. Congratulations. Mike, I thought you cared about me. Carolion, I thought you loved me. You people are liars and worse. I hope you are never treated the way you have just treated me.

Now you can spend some time joking about other hilarious birth defects. Spina bifida, kids born with one eye, no hands, gee, what else is there that you can chuckle at and put in your show.

You have just made things worse for one friendless woman who is struggling alone with a tremendous burden. I hope you're mighty damn proud of your fineness, righteousness, and grace. You are obviously such lofty people you have no need to show regard for the feelings of other people. Maybe you should go to the Sudan and kick sand in some thin people's faces for fun now. Jerks.

-falco

[brutus]

Joe here:
Thanks, J*, I appreciate you taking time to direct me to Falco's post which stated the reasons for her exit. I believe I could read tears on the page as she wrote.
I do hope she'll come 'round and acknowledge those who did apologize for their remarks. Sometimes when apologies aren't noted, those who have apologized feel as if their efforts were for naught. That's how I see it.
Signed
Joe

[mike]

//Mike inserted his phooey on political correctness hooey which put an end to the making nice and was followed by wee folk / smurf / dustball / and lint same difference language. //

I reread what I had previously reread, and I stand by what I said.

Mike

[brutus]

mike said:

//Mike inserted his phooey on political correctness hooey which put an end to the making nice and was followed by wee folk / smurf / dustball / and lint same difference language. //

I reread what I had previously reread, and I stand by what I said.

Mike

I'm right behind you, Mike!

[booklady]

Dear Joe,

Is Brutus wearing clothes?

Signed,
Is Shrinkage a Real Phenomenon?

[booklady]

brutus said:

mike said:

//Mike inserted his phooey on political correctness hooey which put an end to the making nice and was followed by wee folk / smurf / dustball / and lint same difference language. //

I reread what I had previously reread, and I stand by what I said.

Mike

I'm right behind you, Mike!

Be careful, Mike. Brutus may not be wearing any clothes.

[brutus]

booklady said:

brutus said:

I'm right behind you, Mike!

Be careful, Mike. Brutus may not be wearing any clothes.[/quote]

[mike]

What makes anyone think I'm wearing any clothes?

[brutus]

mike said:

What makes anyone think I'm wearing any clothes?

[carolion]

I'm confused, really and truly. The post that's being attributed to Falco is not written in Falco's style at all. Where did it come from? There's something the matter with this picture.
Falco's the one we all loved and joked about chickens with, and who guided us many a time through homesteading experiences and wisdom. Never in all the time I've known her online has she ever thrown this kind of dicey-crazy-hate energy at any of us. Who wrote that thing and attributed it to Falco?

[hartlikeawheel]

Sometimes thick skin is just another example of defensiveness, J*. And you know that defensive is how people get when someone has them nailed.

I agree with you that being open is the best way to handle a situation.

Now if you could, for a moment, look at the three of your fingers which are pointing back at you while you point at posters in the small people forum.

In case you are unaware your (third?) tantrum and door slamming in our faces hurt and confused quite a few people here. Are you willing to follow your own advice and offer apology for the unseemly behavior?

No lawyer I've ever met will concede that they've made a mistake, including my friend, Kate.

She will say:

YOU are too sensitive.
YOU misunderstood what I meant.
SOMETHING/SOMEBODY distracted me.
I wouldn't have done it if YOU hadn't (whatever.)

Maybe she would even say that it was just a joke.

She and I have been friends for 27 years so I don't think she's going to make any changes. But at least we are close enough that we can talk about it without her closing me out.

But no one here will sue you or think less of you, I believe, if you do some serious thinking about why you are compelled to play that drama out every now and then. I'd love to see you rip my stereotype of lawyers to shreds.

By the way returning with a nice, gentle recipe thread was smart. Wouldn't it be nice to just once talk about what the elephant in the living room did as well? (No. I'm not calling you an elephant. The elephant is the unspoken.)

We always pretend for you that you didn't embarrass yourself in some peoples' eyes. Considering your popularity points it looks like you may have surprised some admirers. I challenge you to be accountable for your behavior.

I don't mean by explaining it but rather by passing out a little salve for those who got their noses bumped by the door.

Incidently, the night you were packing for New Orleans and havin' a little bubbly was the most relaxed I've ever felt reading your posts.

[juliastar]

hartlikeawheel said:

Sometimes thick skin is just another example of defensiveness, J*. And you know that defensive is how people get when someone has them nailed.

I believe you are confusing your shields with your swords. Otherwise, the elephant in the room is you, anj. Anyone else who wants to talk to me may leave me a personal message. I don't sign other people's names to my posts and I truly tire of slander and innuendo.

[hartlikeawheel]

Projection, J*. That is your main defense. Point the finger elsewhere.

It makes it impossible to work out issues. This isn't a courtroom.

All defense is armor for something we don't want others to see or know about us. Not that it's always bad. We need some self-protection. Some people may genuinely hurt us with our self-disclosure.

Yet, fluidity between vulnerability and self-protection is a good thing to practice. Otherwise one is always stuck in fear of exposure and unkind treatment if found out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'll give you an example of how easy it is to acknowledge other peoples' truths.

Yes, J*, I know that for some people in the groups I have been labeled an elephant in the living room. A twisting of what I said but I think I understand.

I am proud that I am accessible to people with concerns and continue to be so. Yet all I remember was being called names and other abusive language and as a rule I don't function that way.

If people come to me with a bit of patience and if I feel that one doesn't have hatred for me in their heart I can be pretty willing to make changes and, dang, even apologize. (Hate that one!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


It's always the other person who has the problem with projection. Are you saying you didn't stomp out in a rude manner? Isn't that juvenile behavior? Or grandstanding? Are you saying you don't think that's a problem?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Didn't you just put my name on your post while saying that you don't put other peoples' names on your post?
'scuse. In returning to see ~B~man's response to some teasing I took time to proofread and see that I missed the boat about that statement you made, J*.

I am unclear, though, whether you are accusing me of making false posts and putting your name upon them or that you think I have accused you of that. Both are laughable

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Are you saying that people have to beg you for an apology?

We'ren't your last words to ALL of us, not one-on-one as you expect for yourself, that you were OWED an apology. Isn't anyone else ever owed an apology?

Apologizing for bad behavior is called good manners. That's all. Nothing to be afraid of. It won't make you look weak.

I s'pose you can find a single sentence in here to attack. Makes for strange communication. I'll read but don't have anything left to post.

[hartlikeawheel]

(And in my hoity-toity lecture to a person who recently scolded somebody else for not referring to her by her nickname,)* I completly forgot to address The 'lion's last post and to be silly.

I noticed the sudden shift in attitude and speech pattern, also, at the end of falco's last post. And I thought, "Good grief! That Girl is having a nervous breakdown." and it did seem odd. So did her use of "friendless" which seemed out of character, most probably untrue and dripping with self-pity. So totally out of character for falco. I have trouble imagining her ever using the word "jerks."

I don't know what to think. If the shock, stress and post-partum have finally gotten ahold of her she could possibly sound different to us. Yet that clinker just popped up rather abruptly.

Well there will always be those among us who thrive on stirring the pot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now I've got a pot to stir myself.

Did you know that The ~B~man is the North Dakota state champion of one-handed typing!

Play with that one for a while.

I hope you feel flattered ~B~. If not I'll take it back. Winking.



*The area in parentheses is a non sequitor due to a misreading I have made. You may retain the "hoity-toity lecture" part if you wish. Then please offer a hand and get me down off this soapbox.

[gailkate]

It would help if those of you who have known Falco for a long time and loved her would help us all out by writing privately to learn what's going on with her. I certainly can't identify her style. I suppose Trusty can identify what computer various messages originate from, but he's had a tough time and doesn't need to deal with this eruption in the forum he so graciously set up for everyone.

[brutus]

hartlikeawheel said:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now I've got a pot to stir myself.

Did you know that The ~B~man is the North Dakota state champion of one-handed typing!

Play with that one for a while.

I hope you feel flattered ~B~. If not I'll take it back. Winking.

Well, well!! I see someone has been reading the latest issues of DumpyDriverWeekly!!
~B~

[carolion]

DumpyDriver-----that is so cute!

[edsfam]

juliastar said:

mike said:

None of Ed's examples worked because none were examples of discussions anyone was having in which he had said, excuse me, time out and people persisted.

Now if we had all been sitting around telling Viagra jokes and he were to post, I'm sorry but I have a little sexual dysfunction problem and this sort of humor makes me feel really uncomfortable and we all started telling more can't get it up jokes, then he would have made a valid point.

Are none of our secrets sacred???
J*, you promised that you would not tell everyone here about my you know what and here you are blabbin' your fool head off..

Dang it all ... last time I go lookin for sympathy from an on-line date.

_E_

Oh, and by the way, my point was that everybody may have a sore spot about some topic. If we tried to please everyone's wish to "be sensitive" there may be no fun to be had and no topics to discuss ... except my ... er... problem.

[hartlikeawheel]

The first and last time I told some people who were being deliberately rude to me in a past forum that they had hurt my feelings, I was mocked!

So don't do it, _E_ whatever you do. It will only do what a stone in a shoe can do. (Make you limp.)

Now. About your problem. Anything more you'd like to tell? I think it's just a couple of us here right now so it's not going to go anywhere else. Promise.

Bet you keep those "Dumpy Driver"s under the seat along with your well dog-earred copies of "Nekkid Wimmin Hitchhikers," ~B~.

Otherwise what would you do with yourself while you were waiting to get loaded? Work in a library?

I know from drivers. The 'rat did his share and the neighbor down the block? The guy whose home and yard are showpieces of the neighborhood? He's got the hart of a poet. And he keeps naughty magazines under his truck seat. Betcha wonder how I know that.

So a little sex. . . And some Asian lilies. . .

Aha! THAT'S how I got Mike all mixed in with this.

[slb2]

Eddie, I'm exalting you for your light-hearted come-back. ty

[slb2]

And btw, if both mike and brut are nekkid, then I'm smack dab in the middle. But since I'm married, I'd better keep my clothes on and just observe.

[mike]

Like I said, Joe, this reminds me of an Allen Sherman song -- I love his hilarious parodies. Anyway, Joe, thanks for listening; maybe we should meet in the bar for a drink... we can chat about things.

All the best,
Mike

P.S. Joe, if I see Slb2 in the bar, I'm dumping you pronto and, well, let's just say... that girl is nice!