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Post by hartlikeawheel on Oct 29, 2006 22:57:34 GMT -5
Last night someone stole two of my husband's three chainsaws.
I made a joke about it that if he didn't need to have two of everything he would have only lost one chainsaw and laughed. Now he is mad at me.
Says I laughed at his chainsaws.
Actually I was really laughing at his packrat habits.
I apologized only to ease the tension. He is laughing about it tonight through gritted teeth.
Will we ever be just a simple, old married couple again? Can you help save my marriage?
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Post by brutus on Oct 29, 2006 22:09:51 GMT -5
Joe here; Speaking from a guy's standpoint, especially one who is a lot like your "Packrat", I offer this: The "need" to have two of everything stems from a deep-seated need to be a proper provider for a man's tribe or family. If your "Rat" is like me, he probably owned one of those saws for quite some time. It probably has served him well, with a maintenance schedule that would be the reason for a long life. However, He also recognizes the fact that nothing lasts forever. He also knows Murphy's Laws all too well. The fact that "Old Faithful" will probably break down at a time of the day or weekend that makes repairs unavailable. So, he has taken steps to circumvent that event, he bought a "spare". He has probably done this same routine with most, if not all his other tools. Same reason, beating Ol' Murph to the punch. Although there was nothing malicious in your laughter and joking about his packrat ways, he felt, down deep, a sense of hurt. You poked fun at a part of his being, at himself. He feels that you don't recognize and appreciate his ability to think ahead and plan for unforseen events, such as a failure of a chainsaw at an inopportune time. He'll get over the hurt in time, but he likely will with draw a bit. His next "second purchase" of some item will be kept from your eyes so as to cheat you out of "ammunition" for your next salvo of "fun". In effect, you have driven a wedge between the two of you that cannot be totally removed in the near future. This is one bed you made that you will have to sleep in. Good luck. Signed Joe
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Post by brutus on Oct 29, 2006 22:13:05 GMT -5
An addendum: The "Rat" should have been able to see through your laughter to realize that no malice was intended. He does bear an equal responsibility to heal this rift betwixt the two of you. Joe
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Post by hartlikeawheel on Oct 29, 2006 22:23:45 GMT -5
~B~!
There's a problem here with topic order which misled you. You need to read on to understand the origin of this post. Wish I'd have thought of that.
On the last page of Babe's wedding post. Don't ask me how I managed to go so far astray.
Your advice is appreciated and there's surely truth in what you say.
I always think of it as from having six brothers and probably sometimes having to share even a necessity with someone else. Never thought about the father role he is accustomed to taking. (Takes one to know one!)
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Post by slb2 on Oct 30, 2006 0:55:39 GMT -5
Because "joe's" answer was so excellent, I'm going to have a go at this, too.
Dear Joe,
Saturday morning I went downstairs for breakfast. The various sections of the paper were on the table. I sat down with my oatmeal and began to sort through the news. I found two fairly thick sections of sports, a huge photo of last night's game (men's football) on the front page and proclaimed, "Good grief! Now there are two sections of sports!"
Ace snarled at me and I said, "but it's all about men!" Ace snarled some more and told me I had insulted him. (He wasn't kidding.)
Did I screw up?
signed, unsport-sey
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Post by booklady on Oct 30, 2006 4:26:38 GMT -5
I'm getting in line, too.
Dear Joe:
My husband doesn't buy two of anything. He buys one and then leaves it out in the rain and snow until he needs a new one a couple of years later (chain saws, lawn mowers, and like that). How can I get him to buy two and keep them on a "maintenance schedule that would be the reason for a long life"?
Signed,
The Lady Who Keeps the Checkbook
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Post by sisterbeer on Oct 30, 2006 4:46:16 GMT -5
Dear Joe-
What's the deal with asphyxiation? I don't get it.
Thanks, A friend
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Post by brutus on Oct 30, 2006 4:59:29 GMT -5
Because "joe's" answer was so excellent, I'm going to have a go at this, too. Dear Joe, Saturday morning I went downstairs for breakfast. The various sections of the paper were on the table. I sat down with my oatmeal and began to sort through the news. I found two fairly thick sections of sports, a huge photo of last night's game (men's football) on the front page and proclaimed, "Good grief! Now there are two sections of sports!" Ace snarled at me and I said, "but it's all about men!" Ace snarled some more and told me I had insulted him. (He wasn't kidding.) Did I screw up? signed, unsport-sey Joe here: Nope, slb, you didn't screw up. Your........."Ace??" Is that what you call him?? Yeah.......Your Ace needs a good JACKing up if there's someone in your home who cares to do so. Seriously, there's something boiling beneath the surface that is bubbling forth in such vitriolic treatment of you. Quite possibly he's harboring male cheavuenistic tendencies. Get in his face and snarl back! Signed Joe
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Post by brutus on Oct 30, 2006 5:01:39 GMT -5
I'm getting in line, too. Dear Joe: My husband doesn't buy two of anything. He buys one and then leaves it out in the rain and snow until he needs a new one a couple of years later (chain saws, lawn mowers, and like that). How can I get him to buy two and keep them on a "maintenance schedule that would be the reason for a long life"? Signed, The Lady Who Keeps the Checkbook Joe here: LWKCB, you should just KEEP the checkbook. Next time the lawnmower won't start because it's been neglected, go right on down to your favorite hardware store and bring him home a brand-spankin'-new.....................................................................................................Pair of pinking shears!! Let'm mow the lawn with that! Signed Joe
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Post by brutus on Oct 30, 2006 5:04:40 GMT -5
Dear Joe- What's the deal with asphyxiation? I don't get it. Thanks, A friend Joe here: What context are you speaking of when asphyxiation is done?? Would you be speaking of those younger folks who use this method to enhance a sexual encounter?? If so, I have nooooo idea. Me don' do dat!!! Me likes me breat' in me lungs when Ize havin'g a goo'time!! If that's not the case, then sissybear, would you kindly fill me in?? signed Joe
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Post by sisterbeer on Oct 30, 2006 15:49:11 GMT -5
No, Joe. You got my case right. (Got my name wrong, though.)
And I am totally wit you on the breatin'. I may be the kind of girl your mother warned you about, but I'm an old fashioned kind of girl your mother warned you about.
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Post by scotbrit on Oct 30, 2006 16:32:10 GMT -5
Dear Agony Uncle Joe,
My neighbours are unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, my neighbour kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off to the golf course now. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning, Ma'am," he said, "I've come to...''
"Oh, no need to explain," my somewhat embarrassed neighbour cut in. "I've been expecting you." "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?" "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed and sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped my neighbour.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," she said quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh my God!" my neighbour exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked my neighbour.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes," the photographer replied, "and, for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
My neighbour leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, um, equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
My neighbour fainted.
The question Uncle Joe is: "Was I correct in trying to resuscitate her by mouth to mouth?"
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Post by booklady on Oct 30, 2006 17:42:18 GMT -5
I'm not Joe, but I think they should have just tried that old shag on the windowsill. ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png)
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Post by scotbrit on Oct 30, 2006 17:51:05 GMT -5
But I was ON the window ledge trying to resuscitate her.
I need Joe to tell me whether I should have resuscitated my neighbour on the lawn first?
She rides horses for her amusement if this has any bearing on the subject.
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Post by booklady on Oct 30, 2006 17:53:42 GMT -5
I'm getting in line, too. Dear Joe: My husband doesn't buy two of anything. He buys one and then leaves it out in the rain and snow until he needs a new one a couple of years later (chain saws, lawn mowers, and like that). How can I get him to buy two and keep them on a "maintenance schedule that would be the reason for a long life"? Signed, The Lady Who Keeps the Checkbook Joe here: LWKCB, you should just KEEP the checkbook. Next time the lawnmower won't start because it's been neglected, go right on down to your favorite hardware store and bring him home a brand-spankin'-new.....................................................................................................Pair of pinking shears!! Let'm mow the lawn with that! Signed Joe Yeah, that's bound to work. ![](http://www.pushupstairs.com/images/emoticon/neptune/Animated/Redx/redx016.gif)
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Post by booklady on Oct 30, 2006 17:59:42 GMT -5
Brit, I'm sure Brut-- er, Joe will be able to advise you very capably. He's probably got some sort of power tools to recommend.
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Post by scotbrit on Oct 30, 2006 18:00:32 GMT -5
Booklady asks Uncle Joe:
Was that your[/b] long life or the life of his equipment?
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Post by booklady on Oct 30, 2006 18:05:43 GMT -5
Perhaps both, dear Brit. Although the thought of surviving to old age without someone willing to tweeze my whiskers makes me think I'd prefer the latter. Though if we save money on equipment, maybe we could afford someone to wield the tweezers. ![](http://www.pushupstairs.com/images/emoticon/neptune/Animated/Thinking/think041.gif) Maybe things have worked out for the best after all.
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Post by scotbrit on Oct 30, 2006 18:12:42 GMT -5
Last time I went to my shed to use some power tools I discovered that Dinah had denied all power to them.
I scratched my head and prevaricated about what I should do (for a long time) until "ping" a light sprang up over my head.
I then remembered when I erected the shed I had installed a cut-out should we have a power failure.
Darn it. I pressed "reset" and all was fine, so I had to mow the bloody grass.
Prat that I am. I should have let well alone and innocently went off on one of my jaunts.
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Post by scotbrit on Oct 30, 2006 18:17:09 GMT -5
But I am warming to the idea that someone could tweek my whiskers though.
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Post by booklady on Oct 30, 2006 18:24:16 GMT -5
Me, too. ![](http://www.pushupstairs.com/images/emoticon/expressive/yummy.gif)
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Post by scotbrit on Oct 30, 2006 18:25:43 GMT -5
Now, let's get this straight.
Are you the bearded lady in the show?
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Post by booklady on Oct 30, 2006 18:28:18 GMT -5
Not at all! Just a natural brunette, with all of its attendant gifts.
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Post by scotbrit on Oct 30, 2006 18:36:23 GMT -5
Well that casts a different outlook on events!
But, although the spirit is willing the flesh is weak.
It is 11.30pm GMT here and I think I might be better served by the sleep that the good doctorK advises.
I'm so sorry Agony Uncle Joe could not partake in our correspondence - I had rather looked forward to his intervention and advice at some time, but that's the life of a cleric I suppose.
Onwards and upwards as someone once said. Probably more than once.
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Post by booklady on Oct 30, 2006 18:44:26 GMT -5
Yes, Brit, take care of your health and get your rest. I'm not supposed to be participating in diverting threads from their original intent.
Dear Joe,
I have this internet friend who likes to entice me into derailing threads with him. What should I do?
signed, Easily led by tales of birds on windowsills
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Post by sisterbeer on Oct 30, 2006 19:55:24 GMT -5
Play ball, Dear! ![](http://i90.photobucket.com/albums/k260/sisterbeer/batterup.jpg) I loved your gif!
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Post by brutus on Oct 30, 2006 20:02:38 GMT -5
Joe here, answering Brit's question about res.................aww mouth-to-mouth on the windowsill: First off, you didn't say if the efforts to reverse the fainting spell resulted in any untoward activity, such as whipped cream or strawberries. Uh huh.....You thought dirty, didn't you? I was meaning a bowl of ice cream after it was done. Sheesh! How'm I s'posed to pass out great advice to a buncha screwballs like you?? ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/wink.png) However, if you only brought the dear lady to, then all's well. Do NOT show up at her door with a Canon though. You may get shot! Signed Joe
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Post by sisterbeer on Oct 30, 2006 20:03:21 GMT -5
She rides horses for her amusement if this has any bearing on the subject. As an equestrian myself, I say, yes! By all means (all mouth to mouth means, that is), give that woman the breath of life, Brit. And a squeeze.
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Post by brutus on Oct 30, 2006 20:04:53 GMT -5
Yes, Brit, take care of your health and get your rest. I'm not supposed to be participating in diverting threads from their original intent. Dear Joe, I have this internet friend who likes to entice me into derailing threads with him. What should I do? signed, Easily led by tales of birds on windowsills Joe here: Booklady, I was once informed most voraciously that one is not led astray by another without first being willing!! The onus is on you. However, derailed threads bring about some delightful results. Signed Joe
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Post by sisterbeer on Oct 30, 2006 20:07:04 GMT -5
Only brought the dear lady to what, Joe? You can't load a sentence like that, then accuse us of screwballednes when it goes off.
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